Depression's Heart

I really need a hug right now.  :(

♕︎ Officially, I'm off on Wednesdays!
          
          Since my sessions are on Wednesdays, I don't know if I'll be meeting any professionals in like a couple of months since things got held up last year.
          
          I think it'll take a couple of months for my current psychologist to understand my situation so...
          
          Yeah!
          
          I might have an idea of  where I'll be meeting the professional (if I do) so I'm pretty scared about that. Not something I'm excited about but, something I know might happen.
          
          So as said, wish me luck! 

♕︎ ,
          
          I'm back amd  I would really lile to thank those who offered to help/comfort me amd I really appreciate it!
          
          Things have gotten better with my parents, especially with my mom, but they still are a little bit hesitant with things regarding my psychologist.
          
          Today is a big day for me, I finally got my parents to sign the consent form for allowing me to be transfered to a hospital to meet a professional (kinda scared). This form was supposed to be submitted last year, but since my parents were still in the phase of feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation, it didn't go through.
          
          They were still a bit hesitant in signing this, well my dad was (my mom wanted nothing to do with it). 
          
          Now the worst part about tomorrow are the nosy friends I've got but I do know that they understand-ish, they do respect my privacy! (Which I appreciate).
          
          So wish me luck guys! (I need it! )

Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. Ever since I started seeing a psychologist, my parents have been acting weird around me. They sometimes don't even talk to me.
          
          They feel like I'd just go on and cry to my psychologist and tell her that they were abusing me and that just makes me feel worse inside that they assume those things. These are the things I don't even tell my psychologist.
          
          The worse part is, I've had to fake everything infront of my closet friends. Growing up I had no one to turn to, no one to make me feel wanted, no one to comfort me. All I had was myself and the one person I could talk to, is in a better place now.
          
          A place among the stars, I miss you Aunt. I always will.
          
          When I was a kid, I would get beaten alot, every african mother grew up like that but, that took a huge toll on me. Since my mom stopped and started shouting at me about how careless I am and she'd just swear at me, I thought everyone's life was like but, it wasn't, it was mine.
          
          The first time I introduced myself to self-harm was when I was 9, I never knew what I was doing then but it felt good. It felt like my pain was being flushed away with my blood. I felt free.
          
          But then someone found out, I friend of mine I think. I never knew who it was, it's a blessing and a curse. The fact that I had someone to talk to about how I felt was great, my psychologist didn't judge me from the things I said.
          
          With this I slowly stopped harming myself severely, I didn't stop entirely, just processing to "hitting" my femur. I sometimes limped around the house since it hurt so much. They didn't even notice. 
          
          :(
          
          Everytime I cried, they'd just shout at me for being a cry baby. I isolated myself from others and I still do.
          
          I'm just going to take a little break from wattpad to just calm down. 
          
          See you until further notice. :/
          
          
          

It's sad how I started self-harm at the age of 9.

Wow, so you are from my neighboring country ♥️

Hey guys!
          
          So I have 2 friends that have recently joined wattpad and are working on their very first book so, it would be amazing if you guys would show them some love, at @rylieandjordan it would really be awesome if you guys did!
          
          Regards,
          
          ~Lisa

My friends are telling me to stop using full stops everytime I write something, they said (and I quote) "It's too nerdy". Bruh... 

Thanks for the follow back 

I haven't been here in a long time.