-Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.
-I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.
-There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe.
-Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.
-I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere
-Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
-Forecast for tonight: darkness
-I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
-Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something
-Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.
-You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
-Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.
-I have a dream and in it, something eats you.
-If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
-I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words.
-By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life.
-I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday.
-Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!?
-I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aww who am I kidding!
-They keep saying the right person will come along... I think a truck hit mine!
-I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it!
-Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
-Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?"
-'Let's eat Grandma' or 'Let's eat, Grandma'- Punctuation saves lives. WRITERS BEWARE!
-A panda eats, shoots, and leaves... Or... A panda eats shoots and leaves. YOU'VE GOTTA' LOVE GRAMMAR!!