I'm really really sorry for what I'm going to say. I'm just here to try and help you improve as a writer by being a reader. And if you get offended, I just want you to know that it's not my intention at all.
You see, I've read your story and I found the concept amazing. You're very articulate and you also have a healthy sense of humor. But after all that, your story is a bit...boring.
Yes, I know that most of the chapters have action scenes in them. But you made the story according to what you had in mind. And, in my opinion, a story should be driven by the characters, not the plot. You're characters were almost flawless and had little personality to them. I know you know who they are but you weren't able to portray it well.
Also, the events of the story are too rushed. Slow them a bit. And you even the simplest of things more than necessary.
I can see that you've really worked hard in this story. You're an amazing writer. You just need to learn how to be a story teller. I'm sorry. I'm just stating my opinion. It's your choice whether to listen or not. :)
