Yo, my name's Sam and I write ugly, terrible, gross, mutant stories that don't end up here most of the time. Sometimes the more... favorable ones end up here so you'll probably only see those. All the other ones are icky, like mutant-chicken-octopi, and you wouldn't like to see that, probably. 

  Don't be afraid to sit on my throne, borrow my crown, throw around your opinions (or the furniture) or even yell at me for something I did. Enjoy yourself for eternity or I will do it for you. That is a threat.