To_x1c

So yall
          	After a mental breakdown, relapsing badly af, and other unhealthy events, IM BACK
          	which means I'll try to update and put some stories online again
          	Ly

BlackLily_17

HI HI
          I took a nap at like 5pm and literally dreamt about you lmao. You appeared when I was visiting this weird library and you were like "omg hiii I work here I was just arranging the book shelves" and I went "That's so cool I'll help you" looool

BlackLily_17

-mber
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BlackLily_17

Something else happened too but I woke up and that's like the only thing I reme
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To_x1c

this message may be offensive 
Venting time :3
          Big TW at this point
          
          So basically, I haven’t been doing so well the past couple of days. My best friend was told to k/ll herself, (she’s mentally Ill too) and she didn’t take it well. She’s better now, but the teachers can’t really help her due not knowing how, they mostly asked me (in the past, but today aswell) if I couldn’t take care of her for a bit, which led to me missing a lot of classes. I love my friend, don’t take me wrong, but I can’t handle all of this alone. I’m a child. I’m doing the work of a therapist and a caretaker at once, while trying to be a good student and daughter. Sometimes it’s just hard, and it starts to affect me aswell. Normally I’d just slip back into an episode. But it kinda feels different. The current situation is pulling me down, and this time it feels more serious than the others. 
          
          My mom keeps snapping at me for little things, best example is me not eating shit but a piece of bread today. We wanted to order at MCs, and I choose my stuff, though not in a menu. My mom snapped at me, pretty much yelled at me for taking the „more expensive stuff“ I then took back what I selected and tried to start a menu, then asked her if she didn’t want us all to eat more healthy. She got really mad, and took the phone away. She canceled the entire order, which means that neither my brother nor me got something to eat. My brother made himself a sandwich, but I feel it’s kinda unfair towards him. I didnt eat yet. 
          
          I’m currently sitting in my room, on the brink of either a panic attack (cuz of not knowing what the fuck I’ve done wrong) or cutting my arms and legs open. Since both options aren’t the most healthy ones, I’m texting. Not anyone specific, just anyone who’d like to read through all of this. This ontop of what I’ve already written above, I don’t feel well.  Not at all.

_FroschFlasche_2009_

@To_x1c hi cutie 
            I know it’s been an hour but I hope I’m not too late yet
            Please don’t SH, I’ve been there too but hey, look at me I decided to have a clean may and it still is. I can do it, and so can you! 
            I also know that I’m just a random person from the internet and I am even unsure if you expected a message back at all. Anyways, I want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to have boundaries, and everyone should accept them, but especially you should. It’s quite a work (“it’s gonna be a shitload of work” ~Yelena Belova) but it’ll be worth it. Please also remember to eat, ED’s or SH addictions are nuts and it’s nuts that the youth nowadays (us) goes through this because that’s what the world and life puts us through. Still we are alive. I don’t know if you’re religious, but if you are, god loves you, and so do we. <3 
            Everything comes and goes for a reason. I’m very sorry for what your friend is going through, and I know what it’s like to be expected to take care of them, know everything about them and their wellbeing, but we should remember that it’s not our job. It’s not our job to be full time therapists for the ones who should be them for us, at least once in a while. 
            If you’re up for it, I’d like you to eat something, and drink a glass of water (at least one). Maybe go on the balcony if you have one or outside (depends on wherever on this damn planet you are and what time of the day it is) or well just open the window. Breathe deep, in and out. Listen to some calm music and stay strong and clean. We love you and please vent if you ever need to get something off your shoulders. Just don’t let it out on yourself (e.g. SH or slipping into an ED cuz it’s a slippery slope and it’s deadly before you realise it)
            Stay strong, you’ve got this and everything will work out eventually, just don’t give up. 
            
            ~ L <3
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