2nd try at writing this.
⚠️Mentions of suicide⚠️
When i was young, my dad commited suicide. This hasn't really affected me through my life because i was so young and new nothing about him so i didn't really know what to miss. But just recently ive been thinking about him more.
Yesterday (26th march 2022) it would have been 10 years since he died. It hadn't really hit me till today, ten years is long. Very long. But today, me and some of my family went to see a play at where my dad use to work. Because my dad was a major person there we got to go backstage afterwards. I love it. I got to look at the lights and props. I got to dance on stage and go in all the little spots they used in the play. In the moment i was fine but when we were in the car afterwards it hit me. I just started thinking about how i wish i could have knowm my dad and how much its affected me. But i just know i that ill never get to meet him.
My life would have been probably worst with him alive though because he had an alcohol addiction and i don't know his stances on lgbtq but for all i know it could have been negative. So you know, what i want A: cant happen and B: would have downsides. But i still wish i got to meet him. Idk my feelings anymore.
Thanks for listening to my rant i guess. <3