So I just got into a huge ass fight with my parents .
I feel bad because I said somethings that just kinda slipped out but they weren't supposed to hear them at all .
I told them I didn't want to be here . My step dad took it as I didn't want to be with them . That's not what I ment at all i ment as I just don't want to be here in general.
They took it the wrong way and now it's my fault for saying something that I ment just they took it personally.
I ment it as this .
Obviously I'm suffering from depression I know this but they don't because I'm all happy around people . But I do have my days more like thoughts at night alot and I can't seem to keep them away from long. I feel like I'm drowning and I know how to swim I just can't seem to keep my head up from the water long enough to breathe .
I'm struggling as a friend, as a sister, as a student , as a daughter mostly . The worst part of all this is I've been keeping a big secret from my mom . My mom in a way is my best friend and I don't know how I'm going to tell her this . I can't seem to because she seemed so happy when she thought I didn't do this big thing . But I did and I feel like I've failed her by not telling her because this secret is mainly why I'm so sad because I regret the choice so much that it haunts me evey damn day I'm wake and even when I fall asleep . I'm lost and I don't know what to do at this moment .