Tu Naranja

From today till September 5th I was gonna do something a little special. I decided to post 3 chapters a day since my goal is to make 50 books on wattpad

morning for me! morning

It really hurts when your crush who you confessed to rejects you then tells you that they got a boyfriend. I wish I could've talked to my mom about this kind of stuff but she's a religious homophobic bish

I wish I was pretty

Another stupid vent pay no mind
          
          So...people ik irl follow me online except for here and reddit. So... I've been using reddit and wattpad as places where I could vent out my frustration and not be judged by the people that know me irl. 
          
          I had a crush on this girl and I went to vent about it on an lgbtq chat on reddit and the crush stalked my reddit account and found the post where I admitted I had the crush on her and she brought it up. She then proceeds to join the same community...s9 now I can't vent on reddit now because they'll see my post. 
          
          So now I can only vent on wattpad....my account is so messed up I wouldn't even give someone my username to follow me

This is just a stupid vent, pay it no mind.
          
          I think I have depression and had it for a really....really long time. Back then as a kid I use to brush it off and ignore it because in my mind....I was just a kid, what if people think I'm just looking for attention...so I ignored it and brushed it off, hiding it under the carpet until it's reached the point where it can't be hidden anymore...you can literally see me suffering mentally and physically...
          
          I feel so hopeless... that sometimes I think the only way out is just leaving but...I can't leave because I'm scared people would be angry...angry that I wasted their time and money just for me to off myself. 
          
          I want to see a therapist but I'm scared of telling my parents. What if they say I'm crazy, what if people call me a freak, what if they call the police on me? I don't want to be known as...the crazy one. 
          
          I try my best to hide my depression but it's getting really difficult and the signs are starting to show. I see things that aren't there....I'm slowly starting to lose interest in my hobbies.... I'm currently having a situationship with my hygiene.... I feel like trash and my body feels awful.... I look like I literally survive world War I and II.. I'm always tired.....When I wake up I feel so sad..
          
          Man I wish I just never existed... I want to be nonexistent...but in order to do that I'll have to get rid of all my personal documents and my ID and any government records of me. My digital footprint and delete all my accounts. I don't even know how to erase people's memories of me.
          
          

School just closed I'm free! 

Ya know what screw it, I won't wait till Christmas to post new chapters 

I wanted to make a book documenting my christmas vacation home from school, should I do it or will no one give a damn 

I ain't posting another till Christmas morning.