Turquoise Turtle

Hey... quick update.
          Just want to say that I have sort lost motivation to write. I now more so do it as a way to pass time in class or to make it look like I’m still working on stuff to my teachers.

Merry Christmas to all that celebrate it!
          Speaking of, should I upload what I have for chapter two, Redemption?

Ummm... sorry.
          I’m sorry. 
          Right now everything hurts.
          And if it doesn’t hurt, it’s numb.
          I can’t feel anything. I feel like I am just useless. Just floating around, unable to grasp onto anything. It’s hard to breathe. I feel like there is constantly someone sitting on my chest. I can’t feel. I know I should care about what is happening, but I don’t. School is overwhelming me. I can’t focus. 
          How would you describe how I feel... oh.
          It is like there is a thick, wet cloth wrapping around my head. And you try to gasp for air, but you can’t because when you do, you choke on the water. And it is so heavy. It clings to you, no matter how hard you try to shake it off. 
          The other day... I almost did a bad thing... a really bad thing. (Trigger warning- suicide) I was so... so close to drowning myself... the only reason I didn’t is because my mom would be sad, and with everything going on with her heart and anxiety, she shouldn’t have to deal with me as well. And I can’t just leave without leaving a note of some kind. 
          But I won’t do that. Not for awhile at least. 
          I just want everyone to be happy.
          But I can’t be. I have too many secrets. Not even half of them are my own.

Thanks for reading my stories

I am trying to write, and I just wrote this sentence ;-;
          He had been helpless as he subconcouslt knew all the pain that had been put in his brother's fault was his own.
          This is why it takes me so long to write... I may or may not have just done some research and have quite a few signs of Dyslexia OwO
          The sentence was meant to be:
          He had been helpless, subconsciously knowing the pain within his brother's heart was his own fault. 
          But yeahhhhhhhhhh... I'm working on something right now. UwU I have absolutely no idea when it'll be out. Buuuuuut... (I don't really know the meaning of this post)
          
          *QUESTION! If I were to try writing something and showing it both before and after I edit it, would anyone be interested in reading it? Let me know! *

I don't know about any of you, but I am glad that 2019 is over. It was not a good year for me. It started out with my dad in the hospital(he's fine now) and ended without my grandma. I counted over 5 known deaths, multiple people in the hospital, and learning things about myself. I hope everyone can take their experiences from this past year and move forward. To a good 2020! Happy New Year!

Happy New Years Everyone!!