pj olsen

I am alone, it's Christmas Day. The dark of my room is barely overcome by the small ceramic heater fighting to overcome the nasty wet chill of the Cold which hurts my toes and fingertips. I've had worse. Just jerked off to the thought of my 39 year old cousine...Je t'aime Nancy Je t'aime.
          Dinner was beans in leftover bacon fat found some eggs with onion and garlic....it's a dark, cold lonely Christmas, again. Just like the last one.
          Living in the ruins of The Apocolypse can make you maudlin very quickly. Time jumps can fuck up your spacial/temporal awareness to the point where you don't know if you ate something or when, slept or didn't sleep, the fucking list is endless! Dolores, did you hear something get the rifle. I smell Marlboros! Get that fucking case even if we have to kill that cunt and fuck her dead Corpse and eat it.
          
          What? You have never been alone for a half century? Try it...you will see me staring back at you from The Abyss. So don't fucking Judge!
          
          Number Five's older Brother
          TwentyFive Hargreeves 

There is nothing in Colorado that I want except for her. Next she is doing Missouri and then back home to Mom and Dad's. I am feeling like the ultimate outsider since she left in early May. No calls no texts no birthday wishes no posts about me on Social media...must be the lack of recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism...but I agreed to this contractually. Love is not for lightweights or the faint of heart. It also helps if there is a plan, the plan, any fucking plan. Got nothing. So friend it is and that's the rub you see. I can't receive. She told me that early in our fest and quest for the Soul. It is my failure really. Not bold. Just old. Maybe a stretch to add to the currently 10 year long celibacy streak. My last 17 picks all ended in disasters just like this. Am I cursed to never have a partner in crime forever or is it a flaw in my nature to be revealed and overcome. Then and only then the true mystical Goddess is revealed and connected with. I still live in hopes.
          Are you getting this? I am in pain here since December and it is getting worse.
          She is The only soul ever created by God who can take this angst away can quiet the disturbance. There was the long hug in my kitchen. Kissed me in the street one night(neck) ?????

She's in St. Louis but I won't meet her there. She's  Heading for Colorado then The Desert and all of Cali. May not see her till winter is coming. By then it'll be so over. I figured out my problems...Undies. I haven't been in the water since the great retreat to OBX in 2006-2011. That said, women were plentiful there redheads, brunettes, blondes, young old it didn't matter as long as I didn't hit a Maynad....but this one is like Denna in The name of the wind... oh the might have truly fallen eh Kvothè. Yeah let's leave it at that...fallen. Maybe the Ondine of LongIsland Sound can restore me to my former glory during the SummerSoltice through Cancerian 

Pompeii was destroyed in 79A.D. by forces I understand Fire, Lava, Ash, Toxic Gases, etc. It literally happened all at once but over time as well. I have been destroyed like that more times than you all have had hot dinners, cold breakfasts(or hot) and lunches combined.
          
          I am still here metaphysical and morally.... the physical not as much.
           (Seven deaths-eight returns to body 1960-2021)
          
          She left the House of The Seven Dragons yesterday. Heading south to Falls Church.
          The Big Green One (dragon)is with Her. 
          
          My heart is Rent in Two not for the loss of One Dragon but the sound of my Heart Tearing Itself In Anguish, knowing she has left possibly forever is deafening. I am blind for a fool to let her go. I never said the truth....now it's gone away forever.
          Love is not a game for children or Fools like me.
          
           She is blessed, young, hot, smart and free.
           I am canceling "THE Handler 2021" till I know and feel her love again. Just delaying it...she really wanted Five, sexually...think about it. She even gave him a suit, a body, a job and love....
          
          I am shutting it all down to handle the sorrow, lose, pain, loneliness and childishness I perpetuate. Love is like that...Dracula had 4 hot women,  if you include Mina Harker. I am up to 55.
          
          When the Darkness lifts...I will write from Vanya's POV...God do I know how she felt now...I weep.
          
          25Hin7HD

I barely touched one sentence in my 'openers where I introduce myself. My rankings were top 11% across the board on '0' votes up from 32%. Guess what....I dropped to 99% on WattPad rankings and only two catagories now show under Umbrella Academy (one is , "Pogo") ....something my dears is radically odiforous in Denmark.(trans.' Something smells rotten in Denmark!) 
          
          25H in the House of The Seven Dragons

The Commission has a quiet member/employee named Herb who is "gunning for" THE Handler. In this unique slice of life, he goes from
           The Doormat, as he is called by his co-workers ; to a battle hardened field operative in less than four chapters. Read this inside the Halls of the Commission story...now. Watch Herb do his stuff.

Last night, I ate a pepperoni calzone from Michael's Pizzeria....I was lonely, horny, lazy, angry, fat, crazy and stupid, simultaneously.
          
          My best ranking was 755 out of 795....I write a Story (my third) and I wake up hungover from a candy inge at 1230pm phones ringing daughters yelling , my sangoma is wtf dude? 
          
          My ranking is #2 under Five and all others are breaking records...with zerovotes....ummm. Yeah can AI be the reason? Or am I that fucking good?
          
          You decide...haters gotta hate, is that the saying?
          What can lovers do for me(I hope?)

Terribly unimportant but must be said...
          How many Followers do I have today? What is my ranking in Catagories I choose on WattPad? Every second of every minute of every hour I spend drilling down on an APP is more time lost....
          In one hundred years no one will remember me except you who read this. Try the path of total resistance. Work on the Inner Being for just a little Time Daily and Your Universe is Sure To Be Exactly as You Dream and Vision It To BECOME.
          It is in being we become...ne c'est pas mes Amis?
          
          25H in H7D

"THERE IS NO BEING CAPAPABLE OF A SPIRITUAL LIFE, WHO DOES NOT HAVE WITHIN THEM, A JUNGLE WHERE THE WOLF CONSTANTLY HOWLS AND THE OBSCENE BIRD OF NIGHT CHATTERS ENDLESSLY"
          
          (Henry James to his youngest son William-1679)

"I PUT A LITTLE OF ME INTO EVERYTHING THAT I DO!" (...so please wash your hands after you've read me. It's not an 'E P A thing' it's more a hygiene thing from me to you. My fucking DNA gets everywhere if you catch my meaning.)
          
          25H in H7D