I admit that, in the past, I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, "a witch"
But you'll find it nowadays I mended all my ways
Repented, seen a light, and made a switch
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And here, lately, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed

Poor unfortunate souls in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!
Poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them? Yes, I do!

Now, it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em across the coals
Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole, I've been a saint to those poor unfortunate souls

Poor unfortunate souls in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!
Poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them? Yes, I do!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think the girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred if the lady's not to say a word
And, after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

They're not all impressed by conversation
"True gentlemen" avoid it when they can
But they dote, and swoon, and fawn
On a lady's who's withdrawn
It's she who hold's her tongue who get's the man (c'mon, now)

Poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead, make your choice
I'ma very busy woman, and I haven't got all day!
It won't cost much, just your voice! (uh, yeah-yeah!)
Poor unfortunate soul, it's sad (so sad!), but te