Undetermined Potato

So I graduated 3 weeks ago and I’m being extremely sentimental and wanting to go back already. I’m also sad and mad at myself because I’m a stupid idiot who can’t be the initiator for the life of me. The moment someone invites me to something, I’m all in. But I can’t be the ones to invite anyone in fear of everyone being busy. I miss when we all were forced to hang out  because we were at school and needed to socialize. Now that I’m out I have no motivation. I spent the first week of vacation being with my family, I spent the second laying on the couch and sleeping, and now I’m just bored, knowing I could be doing more. I should be spending my summer with friends as I’m going to a college a bit more than an hour away and no one’s going with me. But I can’t be the one to make the first step.
          
          I just…I think I need advice? Or just to get my feelings out into the world? Idk. If anyone has any advice or experience you can comment. You don’t have to. It’s like 2 am and this is my tired brain that’s controlling me right now. 

Y’all better make Percy Jackson even more famous of a series when the show comes out. And I mean like Harry Potter famous. I need theme parks, I need more spin offs. I need the most well known book to live action series to not be written by a transphobe

I don’t get why people go on college tours to multiple different colleges before they even apply or get in.
          Like, if you have the money to go around to all these colleges, you can wait a little. Don’t put your heart into a college unless you know you’re in. Take those college tour trips to the colleges you get accepted to, then it’ll help you decide where you want to go

Wait…is it not normal to remember the things that’s important to you over the things that’s not, especially when the second thing you only think about once before you remember it?
          
          Or do I have some underlying issues about memory that needs to be seriously addressed

Fuck, I’m trying to find a Twitter account to reference their OC for a story, but I forgot their account name and I only know the vibes and look of the OC. I got like the first half of the name, but it’s incredibly hard to find someone when the only thing you know is their OC

I like to give little bits of crazy to each of my friends. 
          One gets to see how much smut I read
          Another gets to hear my obsessions over Khoi Dao
          A third hears about the YouTubers we watch
          And another gets to hear about stupid twitter fandoms that I love to look at for some reason
          
          Everyone gets a small fraction of my obsessions, it’s really interesting to me when I realizes that

Yo I turn 18 in 5 days? What the shit?!
          
          

I just realized my range for anime guys can be summed up with 2 characters from the same series: Ciel Phantomhive and Sebastian Michaelis. Aka feminine dressed shota with legs, and tall skinny black haired anime man 
          
          The later has a bit of a range but it’s always the black haired ones I grow an attachment to 

Normalize main characters and their best friend of the opposite gender NOT falling in love with each other, even though both are straight. 
          
          Cause whenever this topic of just letting characters be platonic, people always bring up gay characters, but that kinda defeats the point. Not all people who are friends have to be attracted to each other, even if they are attracted to that gender.

How do you tell your best friend (that moved a bit away so we can’t see each other regularly) that you’re not trying to be a bad friend, you’re just really bad at texting and miss being near them so you ignore texting so you miss them less?