Heya, reader! This is Unknown Soldier Shadow, but just Shadow works. Welcome to my profile! Go ahead, kick your shoes off, sit back in one of those plushy red armchairs there. Here're some chocolate-covered almonds to keep you until—

Wait, what's that? Oh, this is the internet, you said? You can't have almonds here? Or armchairs?

Huh.

Well, this is awkward.