Kishikaisei

I’m sick of throwing up everything I eat, and school is starting tomorrow. How the fuck will I manage this at school? And at home? Everything I eat seems like poison to me and it hurts so much to keep pushing it out then get told by people that I still eat too much or weigh too much 

“How I know it’s bad again? 
          When the things I loved make me annoyed and feel drained. 
          When the people I know feel like complete strangers. 
          When my PTSD keeps me from wanting any sort of affection. 
          When I want to have fun but don’t want to pull myself out of bed. 
          When I bite my nails to the point it hurts. 
          When my room is a mess. 
          When my brain feels numb and empty. 
          When I want to hurt myself but don’t even have the energy to do that. 
          When I want to purge everything I ate, but don’t have the energy to fight my body. 
          When I don’t eat at all, or eat a meal and feel guilty about it. 
          When the scratches my cat give me feel like doses of morphine for my damaged brain. 
          And when I let myself fall in the shower, dizzy, blurry, and begging for someone to pull me out and into their arms. 
          That’s when I know I’ve become a lost cause.” 

I wanted to warn my ‘Afraid’ readers, The first section of chapter 6 does include a räpe scene. If this triggers you, please, please, please skip for your own mental well being. Skip from section 7:12 to 8:34. Thank you. 

If you ever need to purge, whether it be poison or anything, Mix salt with water. It’s a natural way to make yourself throw up using salt water poisoning. Mix a lot of salt in it though, or it may not work.

You’ll always see the representation of finding your true love, whether it be online, right person-wrong time, forbidden love, but where’s that love and bond of chosen family? 
          What about the kids who don’t have a father or mother or siblings they dreamed of? 
          What about the stories of finding that person that doesn’t want sex from you or kissing or marriage, but to simply take care of each other like you never had as a kid. To have someone to look up to unlike that abusive or absent parent, To have someone to bond with like that sibling that would rather to drugs than be with you on rainy days. 
          Where’s the representation for finding that family you could never have? The only times you ever see it is when that family is abusive, a trap, or a tragedy. 
          What about those who already experienced the tragedy of growing up without a childhood? 
          Why should love only mean romance and sex? 
          Why can’t it be platonic or family oriented? 

Chapter 5 was a bit of a short chapter, but 6 will be longer. Also Watch out! There’s a spicy scene in 6 <3

“I gave up in my teens, They say those are the good years but I’m already having a  crisis, the teens I see now don’t get a chance at life and I wanna know the reason to live.” ~ さくらの血

There are a lot of bugs, grammatical errors, and other issues in the stories that are currently being fixed. Apologies!

You ever question how far our advancements in tech as gone? You think it’s almost one of the only reasons for living now?