i am followed by a demon

so i told my parents about me being lesbian, both of them are dissapointed for me not telling them sooner, my sister is mad at me for not being able to trust her about this, and now i feel bad...

if thomas sanders sides date eachother, wouldn't thomas be a mix of emotions, as if he's on his period? like, one moment he would be really happy and romantic, then really anxious, then stupidly logical, then childish about everything the next moment?

twisted my ankle... ugh. it hurts :<

have you ever felt like your loved, but all just seems so bland, as if a lie? sometimes i just like to sit around and think about how many people have used me for my body, and how many people have lied just my saying that they love me... or sometimes i just like to think about how thin i could be, but how fat i really am. how do people love someone who has anxiety and depression, tried to kill themselves on multiple ocassions, and sometimes just craves attention from people around me... i feel like i am selfish by just asking for someone to cuddle, because i end up getting judged because of it. of coarse, my parents love me, but enough to just send me to a hospital or "insane asylum" to get better? it will only make it worse!?! i try to get rid of my bad thoughts but they always roam, even though they dull when i actually get attention and love, they hit harder later... i wish i could just end it. break it off. free myself from the pains... but i know it'll hurt others, that seem like they never care until something bad happens...

OY https://www.wattpad.com/story/107900933

hey guys... i might go ahead and leave wattpad for a while... as some of you know, i have ainxiety and depression... im not saying this for attention... but my panic attacks have doubled, almost trippled, and im scared that one day im going to get really hurt

hey guys! i just published a story thats called home is what you think go read it please! https://www.wattpad.com/story/98730162

you know what? I absolutely HATE life. I feel like lies being spilt are just people trying to fill a pool up of blood. too many people have lived in a so much horrible life and see my life is a happy place and they have to rain on iit and have the once blue sky have a black blanket over it. the tears raining down have a blood red tint to it. can any of you relate???

this is for a couple people. one of these people dont have a wattpad account but i want the people that actually know me. my past, or all that shiz.
          
          my life is just a game to you all isnt it? tell me you love me and then turn your back. im done with all the flipping lies. i am some one with major depression. i have many voices in my head. some will call me crazy, some will just call me plain on. fucking. crazy. i live in pain of my past. i live in a craze for the sight of my OWN BLOOD drawn by THE KNIFE i never hold. im scared of the future because of what happened in my past. demons haunt my dreams. i thought someone had actually made me smile. someone who I TRUSTED. i PRAYED he wasnt like the two others. im scared... im hurt... im fucking done... at night i cry myself to sleep. in the morning i have to keep myself from showing who i really am. my boyfriend at this point doesnt even meet me in school. for the past week he hasnt even said "i love you"... IM DONE WITH ALL THE SHIT I GO THROUGH... i just cant... the stress, the pain, the hurt... their is only a few people in my life that keep me alive. my mom, my ACTUAL father (you ron), and my sisters... when i get to school im going to let all the pain spill. my motions will leave my head. im done with the shit i go through. im DONE. 
          
          
          thank you to all of you who had actually read this. jake, if you do read this, i need to talk to you.

Im sorry guys... im probably going to get off wattpad and any other website for a while... somethings happening in my life and I cant think straight. I need someone to talk to... someone that wont judge me by my past... some one I can TRUST... someone I know that's LIKE ME. sorry guys