Urbestthrillers

Sure we can chat. I'm down. I also like making new friends

Urbestthrillers

@Venti_______Simp it's funny how I'm just seeing this message after so long. I'm so sorry
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howyoudoing

Hey sweetheart if you're free and like historical fantasy wanna give mine a try and give some feedback 
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/407257175?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=howyoudoing

howyoudoing

@howyoudoing okay.
            I will read yours
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Urbestthrillers

@howyoudoing I'd love to but I am a bit swamped at the moment. How about in a week time. I'd love it if you read mine as well. I'm very brutal in my review so are you up for it
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Sowoozoojk

GURLLLL, I just finished it, and honestly? You absolutely crushed this. The atmosphere you built is so tense.. I felt like I was stuck in that room with Cassandra, just waiting for the next secret to drop. Making her so observant was a genius move because it made every small detail feel like a huge clue.
          ​The dynamic between Cassandra and Caroline was the highlight for me. That sibling tension felt so authentic, and having Caroline’s return from Australia trigger the chaos was such a sharp way to kick off the mystery. When the school disappearances started, the stakes got real fast. I loved how you didn't just make it a "missing persons" case; you made it feel like the whole town was rotting from the inside.
          ​The best part was definitely the ending. You really stuck the landing on the "cost" of the truth!! it wasn't some neat, happy bow, but it was incredibly satisfying. Your pacing is spot on, and those plot twists actually caught me off guard. You’ve got a real talent for the thriller genre, man. Keep going!!!!!

Urbestthrillers

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Sowoozoojk

@Sowoozoojk yess let's keep it up! All the best for your new book, I'll read it all along!
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Urbestthrillers

@Sowoozoojk then you very much. This really made my day. I am glad you enjoyed it. I plan on starting another book in about 2 months time. I might also make a sequel of this book but it's not a promise. I really hoped the end would be satisfying and it was. Thanks for reading my book and I hope we can continue keeping in touch. I am rooting for you and I absolutely love how you tell your stories
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word_traveler

In chapter 7 you write this sentence: “I went to one of my dad's make-up studio.” Here you should write studios, not studio.
          
          Later in the story it becomes clear to me that their father is famous and wealthy. Maybe it would be helpful to make this a bit clearer earlier on? And also show the effects this has. What privileges come with that? How does it influence the way people treat her? How does it affect the way your main character thinks about things? (My main character is also rich with a famous father. In my story I mention several times that she considers herself better than everyone else, and that the lives of working people don’t interest her.)
          
          I notice that some things don’t always feel realistic. It’s mentioned that Kevind attempted suicide, but after that you barely hear anything about it. While in real life this is usually a big deal with a major aftermath. And why do they suddenly go straight to an amusement park right after your character had an asthma attack?
          
          You mention several times that your character hates friends. That’s possible, but for character building it might be interesting to describe how this came to be. Usually this happens when someone has become isolated or has had bad experiences with friends, etc. What would be the reason for your character?
          
          Your story also moves a bit quickly at times. Maybe adding a few filler scenes would be a nice idea? That way readers can get to know your character’s everyday life, and there’s more space between important events (for example between the asthma attack and the amusement park visit).
          
          I love all the mysteries you add! They make me curious and make me want to read more. For example: what was the relationship between the mother and father like? What happened to Ophelia? Was something really following that girl from chapter 10, or was she paranoid? What do those photos in the father’s drawer mean? All things that keep readers interested.

word_traveler

@ word_traveler  good to know you like getting feedback (some people will feel criticised thats why I check it)
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Urbestthrillers

@word_traveler I like the feedback actually. It shows you notice, a very important thing every writer should be able to do. I'll try to add more filler lines like you advised. I like that the questions keep you interested. You can continue to give me more feedback. I honestly don't mind. We are not just here to write, but to learn.
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word_traveler

@ word_traveler  It’s your story if it doesn’t feel right to change it, then don’t . These are the things that stood out to me. By the way, do you like the feedback I gave you, or not?
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