Vegetable.Shortening

pen pineapple apple pen 
          

pov:           the only class u actually like at school is your ap gov class (college level curriculum and structure)  
          
          and it makes you rethink college and that maybe it would be better if you try harder
          
           this last year to see if you could have the slightest chance at getting in any,
          
          and then you remember that in this economy you would never ever get out of college
          
           debt cuz ur stupid and can't get a scholarship lol
          
           and then you realize all the social stuff you'd be missing out on, 
          
           then you remember that ur so socially awkward and avoidant that you'd miss everything anyways
          
          
          
          
          
          
          pov:          you remember that you just want to shrivel up and die because you're so fucking 
          
          slow and stupid that you can barely graduate highschool. 
          ugly and gross you can't even exist without constantly feeling bad about yourself.
          
          
           it's not just an edgy joke anymore you truly, really feel hopeless and like nothing good will happen,  you feel so damn sad all the time and bad and empty and so, so, so alone all the time 
          
          
          
          
           and that when you went to confide,  in the person you thought was your absolute best
          
           friend,  that you've actually been struggling really really hard mentally, they brush it off
           as a joke and it made you feel worthless and just ugh
          
          
          
          
          and pov that your head is so fucking jumbled up that you'd bet money that none of this makes sense but you know everythings fine because this is just a pov and not the shit you have to feel and think every fucking day
          
          
          

HOW ARE U    ?

thank you so much for voting and adding 'you all over me' to your reading list! please note that there are side chapters for your reading pleasure. have a good one <3

im a sucker for the sappy, heart-squeazing, tear-induceing, warm feeling, gooey, loving, horrifyingly cringe, sentimental, and  delightfully annoying fluff and love from stories. 
          
          like I've literally cried bcuz of how adorable and sweet and meltingly emotional characters have gotten, just loving each other. It's so... Idk I get serotonin from it, maybe some very low-key adrenaline as well. It gets me reeling and dizzy and just good feeling. 
          
          
          But I also get post-reading-clarity, cuz my heart will nearly burst from all the feelings. And when the story is over, I'll just cry for a different reason which is that that'll never happen to me and it probably doesn't even happen in real life. 
          And that everything ends, and probably not well. which is problematic because I also believe that ends are new beginnings. like we all r gonna die, but I don't wanna die before being loved and feeling worthy of it. but I probably will. And I am most definitely NOT ok with that. Like at all. 
          
          So then I end up spiraling and hurting and very sad. so I read another cute story and the process happens all over again. Is this what addiction feels like? Should I just die? Is waiting worth it, cuz like what if I wait and it never comes? Or worse what if I end up loving someone and they don't love me back? or someone loving me (unlikely) and I don't love them back and end up hurting them? And then feeling bad and guilty about it for the rest of my life? 
          
          this was supposed to be a request for cutesy and sickeningly sweet books, not a rant. 
          
          oopsies. 

guys Im learning guitar (acoustic)  
          
          
          I wanna play something electric but all the research I do is VERY confusing. 
          
          
          like what's the difference between being a guitarist and a bassist, cuz I've seen a guitar that looks like a bass, but with more strings, but it wasnt an acoustic one??
          
          
          like am I trippin? 
          
          
          but anyways the class is fun. 
          
          
          yk what's not fun tho, finding out that ur such a failure that u don't even qualify to APPLY for colleges hahaha like omg so funny n quirky. like genuinely I think I might be mentally challenged r sum shit. how was I so oblivious that I didn't even know til now. Like genuinely kms <3 <3  

Thank you for reading BOYS OF WEST DENTON! I hope you enjoyed it!! <333

https://music.amazon.com/user-playlists/4bba8fa651f749b884e095c110a92373sune?ref=dm_sh_M54Iuk7B81RHTythoHSzGfk8t
          
          here ya go :33

I've been utterly obsessed with the album 
          
          POST HUMAN: NeX GEn   by Bring Me The Horizon 
          
          It's so amazing. 
          
          
          Also I tried to get into the album 
          
          Blonde   by Frank Ocean
          
          but I only liked like 5 of the songs. Out of 17. 
          Which made me mad at myself cuz so many ppl have recommended it to me and I feel bad for not liking them all (⁠ ⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⁠⌢⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀⁠)
          
          
          
          
          other music recs? I fr need more. always. anytime. 
          
          
          also sry for late responses my wifi has been having a seizure for like 3 weeks and it's horrid. 

THANK UR FOR VOTING!!! AJJSJS I LOVEE USOMUCHH