Vegetable.Shortening

Being stuck is so frustrating. 
          
          I've been stuck in this house and this family for years. 
          
          I'm the ripe age of 18, where, in theory, I'm free to leave whenever I want. 
          
          I had this whole big rant but I hate being a Debbie Downer 
          
          so tldw; 
          
          why will no one hire me so I can get the fuck outta here and actually do something with my life. 
          And also I was too fucking stupid for school and didn't get any scholarships (not that I could even afford to pay application fees)   or anything to help me get into any colleges or universities. 
          
          But there's still community college as an option so yay ig.

Today was pride in my area, I went and walked in the parade, it was very fun.
          
          It's experiences like these that make me realize how stupid social anxiety is tho. 
          
          Because ur telling me I can scream and yell, and throw merch at a crowd and offer other ppl to trade merch without blinking an eye. 
          But when I was told to order food from someone afterwards, I was too scared to go by myself and my mother had to come. ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ 
          I've also been in yelling matches and slightly physical arguments when I'm rly passionate or when someone does something I think is wrong etc. (probs just adrenaline tbh but still) but I hate when strangers make eye contact because I get self conscious and I shake and I sometimes have to take deep breaths or try not to cry. 
          
          Like how TF does that work. That's so fkn stupid. Especially cuz ppl say the anxiety etc goes away with age. Well I've been 18 for like half a year now, it's still not gone. I'm considered an adult now but I still don't feel like one. Idk man. 
          BUT ANYWAY HAPPY PRIDE YALL. 

I went to a friend's house yesterday and we had hella fun. 
          We went on a small hike and walked to a train track and it wasn't an open one it was surrounded by forest n shit like closed off, and a train was coming so we had to hop into the fkn forest (cuz they call the cops if they see you on/near the tracks) and the perspective was so fucking cool. I took a video and it was epic. 
          It was also very stereotypically teenager behavior. Which is weird for me but so fkn fun. 
          Also we smoked hella before this and bro I was scared for my life. 
          We also played Minecraft and ate diabolical amounts of sugar. It was juvenile but so damn fun.
          I also couldn't focus on anything and had to drink like a gallon of water before going home. 
          Oops lmao. 

Y'all I graduated HS this week and idk I feel so many feelings and it's really weird. 
          
          I feel misplaced or displaced or smth. 
          
          So many ppl I know were so emotional and not ready to let go of HS. But that's the opposite of how I feel. I didn't cry once and I feel bad that I'm not sadder. 
          
          I'm relieved it's over. 
          
          I didn't have anyone I considered close friends, or people I feel like I should stay in contact with. Which feels kind of like a relief because friendships take work, but also it's only been a couple days and I already feel kinda lonely. Idk. 
          
          It's weird but not bad weird. 
          I'm scared of being an adult in the real world but also kinda excited. But still very scared. 

Im on my way to the bus stop, and I just remembered a convo I had with this girl.
          
          She told me she "went to the club last night" as in a bar yk, and I was like "wait wtf fr??" Cuz she was like 14-15 
          
          also this was a mixed class and she was a freshman while I was a senior 
          
          And she was all like "yeah omg it was so fun blah blah blah" and I was like Tf?? 
          
          Then she mentioned it was an 'all ages club' 
          
          And I absolutely lost my shit y'all
          Ppl started staring at me cuz I was laughing so hard and turning bright red . 
          
          Like there's nothing wrong with an all ages "club" but she was talking like it was the coolest shit and she got "so lit" like gurl no 
          
          nah bro skull emoji fr 
          

I'm back, also webtoon is just too freaky for me. 
          I'll stick to Wattpad. 

Finally back 2 Wattpad after a week with no wifi, the withdrawals were intense and I can't wait to fkn devour my tbr lol

when u write a story so fkn sad it makes u cry even though ur the one who wrote it (⁠ ⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⁠⌢⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀⁠)

also y'all should read Static Crush, 
          
          
          I just finished it and it was AMAZING 
          

My whole fucking forehead is breaking out bruh, I already had the puberty acne WHY THE FUCKKKKK UGH 
          
          
          so apparently once ur body gets used to less sugar n carbs r whatever, when u start eating more u break the fuck out
          
          someone kill me pls, I did not sign up for this 
          I want my Doritos n Oreos n chocolate and cake without BREAKING OUT COMPLETELY 
          
          .⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠.   ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ    ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽    (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥)    ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ