Notable achievements: 
- One time my brother broke a Nokia, and I was just kinda nearby, so I got that as an achievement by association. 
- That's it, there are no other achievements.

"Inadequacy never looked more attractive." - Future tombstone header. 
Here's it in Latin (thanks Google Translate, you da real MVP). "Fungamur nunquam inclinata pulchrius"
Somehow, I thought that would be more appealing.
It was not. 
It just reminds me of fungus. 

If you think this is pathetic, just remember: You're the one wasting your time reading this instead of eating that bag of corn chips you know is slowly going stale in your cupboard but you're saving it because you think someone's gonna bring salsa. They won't. 
Buy your own salsa, because then you know for sure it won't be "Mild". You spice that shit up.
Fuck outta here.
Goddamn white people.