I don't really like these things so I'm just gonna put some random quotes/sayings. There will be cursing in some of them, so if you don't like, don't read.

'I hide behind sarcasm because telling you to go fuck yourself is considered rude in most situations.'

'Tickling; like being raped, but you're forced to laugh.'

'Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.'

'Bad spellers of the world, untie!'

'Organized people are lazy. They're too lazy to look for things.'

'Every time I read ROFL I hear Scooby Doo trying to say waffle.'

'People think I'm shy because I don't talk much or participate too much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a fuck what they're talking about.'

'I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.'

'Never make eye contact while eating a banana. Never.'

'I love my sixpack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.'

'Studies have shown that 867,395,903 people are too lazy to read this number.'

'I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.'

'What you said: "I don't believe in God." What they think you said: "I have anal sex with the Devil."'

'Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am, my atttitude depends on who you are.'

'You have now entered manual breathing mode.'

'Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it.'