VENT!!
TW: stupid. Just stupid. And long. Read or don't, idc
Im so tired of all this. Tired of feeling sad, tired of school, tired of family, TIRED OF FEELING TIRED. I'm so exhausted and i honestly don't care anymore. I have to keep up friendships and my grades, it's so exhausting. Every year i feel worse and worse. Every single year. I've been like this for 4 years. I haven't been happy for a decent amount of time in 4. Years. Yes, I do feel happy, im not a fking zombie. But it never lasts. I always go to bed feeling shitting and i can't remember a time i wasn't like that. I've always been teased and bullied and in drama and it gets to me. I know it's not a big deal but when kids at my school called my shoes 'fake yeezys', i got insecure and asked my older sister for her old shoes. When my crush when i was 7 called me ugly behind my back, I got insecure. When people laughed at me for falling and almost FAINTING, i had a panicked attack on the bus from the embarrassment. When I fell and spilt water today, I started crying. This just goes to show that kids are shitty and I know all of these are not significant events and i know they're shitty kids, I can't help but let it get to me.
And sometimes I feel unlovable. Like I'm too difficult or too annoying or just too much. I'm clingy, needy and overall annoying. Or well, used to be. I used to be this loud, happy girl but now I'm just the kid in the corner, reading or sketching to drown the world out. I wish I could go back to elementary when i was surrounded by friends, my parents were happy, i was mostly happy and nothing really mattered. But now, it feels like the whole word is on my shoulders and I'm slowly falling to the ground. There's always something going wrong in my life. Parents stressed, school, friends stressed, me being stressed or just me having bad thoughts. And i want to be happy, of course, but in a way, I've found comfort in being sad because that's what I've felt for so long but I shouldn't.
