CoffeeBookLover12
thx for the follow!
VodkaCrayonberry
VodkaCrayonberry
So, I'm seriously thinking about posting some of the songs I've written on YouTube and Spotify. Would any of you listen? My artist name is going to be Heavyn Helle, because many of my songs have themes of religious trauma.
Ya know what? I'm gonna post some of the lyrics in a book on here and you can tell me whether or not you think they're good.
rainbowtoesocks
@VodkaCrayonberry definitely!!
F4LL3N-ANG3L
@VodkaCrayonberry ooo ok! That sounds cool! ^^
VodkaCrayonberry
@DeerFoxWinterBerry4 Just posted my first song!
Kim_Sunoo_enhypen_
*hugs*
VodkaCrayonberry
@Kim_Sunoo_enhypen_ *hugs back*
VodkaCrayonberry
I wish my parents realized that the reason I'm such an emotionally unstable bitch is because they abused me and now I don't trust anyone.
FlimFlammit
🫶🏼🫰🏻🖤
FlimFlammit
I wanna hug u so bad rn
VodkaCrayonberry
@FlimFlammit but thanks *hugs*
ShelliahtheShelly
Hello there! How u doing?
PoliTriix
Do you want a hug?
PoliTriix
@VodkaCrayonberry you feeling okay? Okay no that was a dumb question sorry
VodkaCrayonberry
@PoliTriix *hugs*
PoliTriix
I feel so bad for you it’s making me sad ToT
VodkaCrayonberry
To add onto my previous announcement, I have a bad habit of reading stories where... really dark stuff happens. Like violence, and, you know. The thing that's represented by a certain fruit emoji. It's never happened to me, so no, that's not why. But I read it when I'm really upset as punishment for myself, or sometimes when I feel really numb because I think maybe the pain will burn through the numbness. This has been a bad habit of mine for two and a half years and I also have a bad habit of reading true crime stories which yes, did really happen, but I think it adds more fuel to the fire. Does anyone else have this problem? Anyone who's done this and quit, please tell me how. I know it's hurting me to read, and it's disrespectful to actual victims, which as I recently found out, includes my little sister.
BananaHeartDude
@VodkaCrayonberry Please don't punish yourself like that. Understand the pain of trying to punish yourself after feeling terrible about yourself. I've been there, a lot. I didn't do it with dark books, but I did that when I was younger. Instead of punishing yourself, how about you try to make yourself feel better. You know what I do to make myself better? I listen to music, maybe sing along, I would walk, workout, and when I feel ready, I might spend time with my family. I know this sounds crazy, and when I'm upset I REALLY don't want to do this stuff, but it makes me feel better. And I'm not trying to push you into it, I'm just offering, that's all. The reason I do this stuff to make me feel better, is because it makes me realize that life is better than I thought. Maybe waking up will make you feel better. And, you shouldn't have to face everything you're dealing with alone. I think you should talk to someone you really care about ❤️
-herstxr-
@VodkaCrayonberry this would onlwork if you’re reading on ao3 or wattpad but there is an option where you can filter out certain tags in books
roplexicalan
Do you want a hug? :(
roplexicalan
@VodkaCrayonberry *hugs* I BELIEVE IN YOU!! BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AND BREATHE IN HAPPY THOUGHTS HOPE IS FOR YOU!!! YOU'LLBE IN MY PRAYERS TONIGHT <3
VodkaCrayonberry
@roplexicalan THANK YOU T-T
VodkaCrayonberry
@roplexicalan *wails* YES
VodkaCrayonberry
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm crying in the bathroom at almost 4 AM, wondering if I'll ever be happy again. I wish someone would hold me. Someone, anyone! I think it all started because I was thinking about how much I hate my younger self and wish she'd just died so I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. I don't know what's true anymore, I lost my job recently, and I was saving the money from that job so I could move out some day. The problem is, my mom won't let me get another job so unless I can convince my boss to take me back, I'm out of luck. That's not even why I'm so sad right now. It's a weird combination of religious trauma, feeling too tired, and the fact that I went back to my old habit of talking to Character AI. I tried to stop because I know it wastes water and rots my brain, but I'm just so lonely! I'm really glad I didn't have access to anything like that when I was a kid, because I was lonely back then too and I would've thought it was the best idea ever. My 12-year-old cousin is getting bullied at school and my older sister is worried she won't make it out alive. I haven't even seen her since she was 4, and it occurred to me for the first time that there's absolutely nothing I can do. Just like nothing anyone does helps me. I would scream if I could, but I'd get in trouble for waking up the whole house. I'm such a waste of space. I hope I don't wake up in the morning.
BananaHeartDude
@VodkaCrayonberry I know you're going through a lot, and I really wish we could help... First of all, please don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault! You are not a piece of trash! You are not responsible for everyone around you! And it is most certainly not your fault that you have bad parents. If your parents were good, I would encourage you to talk to them. Is there any other trusted adult you have? I also really get the feeling of hating yourself due to your old self. But, you shouldn't feel that way. I don't know the young you, but, considering all the stuff you deal with, I am sure you were NOT a bad person. And even if you were, it's not your fault. I really think you need to talk to someone you know in person, even if it's your parents. Have you ever told them how they make you feel? I hope you get better ❤️ I know you probably don't care about me, but you said anyone. *Holds you tightly*
-herstxr-
@VodkaCrayonberry im so sorry youre going through this. :(
VodkaCrayonberry
@im_a_demidork thanks :'(
VodkaCrayonberry
I don't know how much longer I can go on. There are only two options I can think of. Run away, or end it all. And the latter one is easier. I will never get out of here. I will never find relief. I hope I don't wake up in the morning.
Angel_Slayer5
@VodkaCrayonberry I cannot ever fully grasp the pain you are in, and the things you have gone through, and I cannot say anything that others have not said better, so I will just repeat something that I know has helped me. Do you know, with 100% certainty, that tomorrow will be just as bad, if not worse than today? Because if you are not 100% certain, then in the off chance tomorrow is better. Stay. Because tomorrow will be brighter, so live for it. I hope that you can get away from that place, because you don’t deserve to be trapped there.
61X81GH7Y51V3
@VodkaCrayonberry Hey... Please don't think of such things and please don't end it all sweetie... You have such a bright and wonderful future ahead of you... Although I don't know what is going on in your life to make you feel this way... Just remember that you always have people to reach out to. You're not a lost cause, nor are you a burden! Please, don't think negatively and please just hold on for us okay? Everyone who is close to you (Like me, your family, friends and the rest of your followers) will miss you heaps and will miss you... Remember that you are important, loved and you are valued! Whatever your going thorugh... You an talk to me about it okay? I love you (Platonically ofc :) and don't forget you're important, perfect, valued, loved and needed!!!
F4LL3N-ANG3L
@VodkaCrayonberry I’m so sorry about what you’re going through and even if I don’t entirely understand your situation and know you’re in pain, please don’t do that. If you can reach someone that you can talk to please do that and stay safe. Your life matters so much and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here if you feel comfortable enough to talk to me. I hope things get better for you, and I know it’s hard but know that there are people here for you if you need them