₆⁶₆𖤐𝕾𝔞𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔰 𝕱𝔞𝔳𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔢 𝕯𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔫𖤐₆⁶₆

r u ok ?

Discontinuing all of my books. I'm done with life. This account will be deleted later tonight.

TW: Just a vent... I didn't know where else to share.
          
          I feel like a horrible friend... My best friend has been hurting and suicidal longer than me... And its my fault he's much worse. Ever since our almost two years of friendship, i've been dealing with his suicidal tendencies. I never minded staying up all night checking up on him... I never minded his calls which woke me in the middle of the night... I never minded helping him. I just wanted to help him get better.
          
          I finally broke down earlier today though and through my sobs I just told him that if he wanted to kill himself, that I wasn't even gonna try to talk him out of it anymore. That it hurt me seeing him in so much pain every day. That it hurt seeing him lose what little hope he had left. That I was only being selfish talking him out of it when I was clearly aware of how much pain and suffering hes going through and dealing with. I was only thinking of myself and how I was scared to lose him instead of seeing it from his side... His ptsd only makes it even harder for him... All I wanted was for him to finally be relieved from it all after fifteen years of suffering... I couldn't handle it anymore.
          
          I really regret telling him now... Did I even do the right thing?

If you're a feminist, I hate you. Some of y'all really ruined it for guys, and now my best friend is hating himself even more because of a group of feminists were verbally harrassing him for existing. Just because he was a guy.

It kinda hurts when you're helping your crush get with a girl that's not you.

At this point I don't even think I have Separation Anxiety anymore... I literally think I have some sort of really bad fucking mental/physical disorder that not even doctors can diagnose.
          
          I literally can't get myself to eat until I know that they are okay, I can't sleep until I tell them goodnight and they reply, I can't even function until they atleast send a message or talk to me atleast once every day. And at this point, once is starting to not be enough... Hell, TWICE is starting to not be enough
          
          I literally feel physically sick when they don't reply at all through the day, and sometimes my body aches because I'm so worried. And all I do is cry.
          
          I can't help but cry and shake uncontrollably and think of the worst scenarios when they don't reply within two hours of me texting them... And I hate it. I can't do anything about it, it just comes to me.
          
          I really wish I could do something to stop it. I don't want to seem like I'm a fucking creep overly obsessing over some people. Because I'm not. I don't wanna be seen as a creep. And I feel like they think I am just because I can't go a day without talking to them.

Giving up.

I wanna just sit down on some train tracks and smile, impatiently waiting for a train to make it's way towards me. To slowly crush my bones and drag me with it. I want it to fucking kill me in the most slow and pain filled way. I want my blood to smear across the tracks all while I smile. Not making a single sound. I wanna let the pain fucking overbear me. I want to feel and see it all and laugh, knowing quite fucking well that it's the best thing that's ever gonna happen to me.
          
          Good thing though... The closest train tracks are only a five minute walk away :)

Currently in little space... My fwiend doesn't like it :<

Things you need to know about Satanism:
          
          -No we do NOT sacrifice animals. We believe that life is a valuable thing and that we shouldn't take it from an undeserving being
          
          -No we do not ALL worship Satan. There's are two main branches under the Satanic religion: Theistic and Non-theistic
          
          Theistic: Directly worshipping Satan himself. They believe he is an objectively existing being to which beleive they can contact, give offerings, and praise to
          
          (Side note, I am a Theistic Satanist)
          
          Non-Theistic: Believe that they are their own gods. They are a balance in nature. They don't worship Satan directly. They believe in the seven tenets to encourage personal and social progression.
          
          -No we do NOT support anything related to r*pe. In fact, we are highly against it and do not accept anyone who has r*ped, s**ually abused, ect.
          
          -Satan loves his children equally. He believes in true freedom/Allowance for you to be yourself
          
          -We follow in respecting one other's beliefs, even if they refuse to respect ours. We try to remain peaceful with others of another religion
          
          Please don't spread false information about our religion. We are not as bad as we are put out to be, I promise you...