ProudToBeAnIdiot

stress. so much of it.
          
          sorry. i’m not getting anything done, and part of me feels like it’s shutting down. please help. I need support.
          
          but I can’t seem to get it anywhere else but online.
          
          so please. just comment or vote or anything. I’m losing hope and I don’t think I can get back into it at all without the little proof that at least… one person is invested in my fics.
          
          just one.

As of current I haven’t been uploading any chapters nor any new stories (and I have over 50 story drafts…) and I’ll start explaining why.
          
          Reason 1: I can’t bring myself to complete any individual chapters for a story. Nor can I really control the order in which these chapters occur-  which is tanks to my horrible time and story management, not to mention with what kind of a mess “Victim” is, I haven’t worked on that fic like at all in the past Y E A R. All cause I have 2 gigantic draft fics that I’m completely unsure about releasing in the first place.
          
          Hell, those 2 fics haven’t even had their initial chapter finished yet. I need to work on my primary draft… not to mention I’ll probably be trying to write ANOTHER ONE in the next week!
          
          Reason 2: Sleep deprivation. Yeah. Been staying up till like 3:00 AM waking up at 7:00. That is all completely on me, it’s my fault that I don’t sleep, but this is honestly affecting both my fics and my schoolwork as a whole. Fortunately, my grades haven’t been dropping but I fear it would if this keeps up. I’ve been getting better, though.
          
          Reason 3: not even going to sugar coat it I’m lazy as fuuuuuuuuck.  I love writing, I love drawing, but I feel so drained by it at the same time trying to think. Would much rather dream it out than try to write it, but then I wouldn’t be able to share it with you all, much less remember.
          
          All in all I’m an unreliable sackasheit and don’t expect any uploads any time soon. Sorry.
          
          (ps. trying to finish the first few chapters of my primary draft so I can share it. Look for the title “This Shit” a one piece fanfic coming out not anytime soon!!!)

pls I have 15 drafts for a random fic idea that I didn’t even come up with hghsgsgjdgsj and it’s unfinished

just found out my cousin Marcus is in a mental ward and I don’t know how to react

i think i need some help sorting out whoever the fuck i am
          
          I was born a girl. I did very feminine things. I still do very feminine things.
          
          But now I feel more masculine. I do masc things as well.
          
          I don’t know if I’m cis, transmasc, or bigender at this point but I feel so fucking weird about it.
          
          I’ve been looking at some trans stuff lately and I’m like “wow, they are cool. Maybe I want to be like them, but I also don’t know.” There’s also the problem of communicating such a large change to everyone. Especially: with my parents! I don’t even know when to bring it up or how to talk with them about anything outside of “are you doing homework” or “are you getting straight A’s”
          
          I feel like a man but I know that I’m a girl to everyone else I know and I dunno. I like being a girl. I like the idea of being a boy.
          
          I feel kind of dysphoric both ways. Being a girl is what I’m used to. But I’m also rowdy and down to earth like most men.
          
          Is it weird to feel stuck in this situation? And I know damn well nobody will accept me as both in this situation: hell nobody would bother to call me a he/her. It’s just She.
          
          I’m really confused right now. What am I supposed to do?

status: busy
          
          schools up again and it already feels S H I T
          
          I’ve been taking more time reading instead of uploading constantly excusing myself because “I need ideas” or “just a few more chapters can’t hurt.”
          
          I’m mostly just procrastinating over and over and over and now I just seriously don’t know what to write anymore. I’ve about 23 stories that won’t see the light of day because they’re not worth letting the world see or they’re unfinished and I haven’t fleshed them out at all.
          
          Not to mention the doom that hangs over my shoulders because if I fail ANY OF MY CLASSES, I’M BEING PUT ON PROBATION AND MY PARENTS HAVE TO GET IN DEEP LEGAL SHIT. FUCKING AVID…
          
          I’m just a kid still. The stress is downpouring on me and I’m sure the storm will only get much, much worse…

Status: Online
          
          Woohoo, summer break! No more school to deal with and I’m bored asf so expect me to start updating.
          
          On the other hand…
          I’ve basically ran out of ideas for Doves And Flames. Like I have no idea how to continue the story if I want Rihanna and Marie to meet the Straw hats and I know I can’t pick anything that would be convenient enough to plop them in there. I tried Skypiea with only Riha. I literally could not find a way to fit her in the arc.
          
          I tried Water 7. Literally nothing: for the most part there would be no reason for them to tag along on Enies Lobby.
          
          I tried Sabaody, still no shit. I cannot think of a viable was for them to meet them without feeling like intruding.
          
          I’m out of ideas so I just worked on The Victim which I’m a lot more passionate about and it’s definitely more fleshed out so please read that.
          
          Sorry

Status: Busy
          
          STORY PURGE HAS TAKEN EFFECT. Many items will be deleted for many of the following reasons:
          Lost Interest/Out of Ideas
          No longer in fandom
          Upset with/unsatisfied with story
          
          The following stories will be deleted:
          JHG
          Scars
          New Friends (Will be rewritten)
          My Nakama
          
          Any inconvenience that comes with this i humbly apologize.

Status: Online
          
          Doing well, but school is a hassle. May not upload as often.