Kagura Karatachi

T-t-t-t-t-Target!!!

Currently crying bc of Genshin. I have to defeat a purple cube in under 8 minutes  if I wanna level up to 26

[first day as a bartender]
          
          Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
          Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this

My friends: You okay?
          Me: Yeah, I’m fine.
          
          My headphones:
          
          Taylor Swift - All Too Well
          0:35 ━❍──────── -5:32
          ↻     ⊲  Ⅱ  ⊳     ↺
          VOLUME: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

read and red are homonyms but read and red aren't and read and reed are but read and reed aren't woah dude.

 The heads on Easter Island have bodies.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

"Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks."  Psalms 137:9

If you're really mad at somebody, shipyourenemiesglitter.com will send them glitter that is "guaranteed to go everywhere" so you can 'piss off someone you dislike for only $9.99.