Wehess

https://open.spotify.com/track/2c5JKO8gPaOFVxQ0elwXEG?si=d3de63851ac74df0

ezrasaur

there lies too much destruction in this world to let myself believe that this is likewise another. i refuse to let myself lie to myself again
          
          i should've listened to you when you whispered to me that my past was not tragedy, that i am not tragedy. you saw through that, but rather than taking it to light, i let my darkness unravel and view it all like a battle already lost. 
          
          while there were signs i saw and took, it remains unfair that i unscrupulously equated them to the same ones i've faced before. that, like her, like him, like everyone that preceded us, it all ends the same way. disappear. leave. a voidless hurt.
          
          it was unfair that, when you really tried your best given your circumstances and systems, i hesitated at the crossroad. to believe whether perhaps there lies a chance to take that we can still learn, or shroud myself in such deceit that all there was left was harm, when all you tried to give was love in the rain that felt so hard to pierce through. 
          
          my anxiety pounded on me again. the silence that may have made you feel safer left me safeless, but that remains a shared predicament on its own. for at the very least, there exists no home if no person feels held the way they need to, i believe.
          
          i wasn't perfect. you weren't. we weren't. but that doesn't mean that we did not  persevere; that silence meant doom in uncommunication; that attachment was a thief of freedom.
          
          i'd like to believe that, if anything, you taught me how to love from the heart, but also how loving boundlessly can pain it verily. you, likewise, taught me warmth. 
          
          to be straightforward, i know i didn't end it the best. i know that i clicked block before you could even dare leave me in my mind. but, i want to be mature; to prove to myself that all need not become tragedy in the guise of yesterday.

Wehess

@ezrasaur 
            
            Thank you for this.
            
            I will carry everything you have given me, especially what you have shown me. You have been and always will be a significant part of my growth—not just a significant part of my chapter, but of my life.
            
            I have always carried with me the unwavering belief that everything I have done was not brought about by fate. I mean more than that: I am an agent of my own life, and it is through my own actions and the deliberate pursuit of what I truly wanted that I have come this far with such attempts like linking as one with you. For all its faults and pain, I am grateful that these actions came from my own liberty. I have no regrets about trying.
            
            It is for the better that we each carry our own raft through the flood, despite the ever-present danger of it sinking under its own weight. However, if one day the flood allows and our paths cross again, I would happily welcome that new chapter.
            
            I hope that whatever actions I have taken persevere through you, because I will forever believe that there is no such thing as luck or fate, only the continuous deliberation of what one hopes for. As I said back then, I will happily serve as your Euphrates— the quiet stream where you may one day find peace, and a love that you may one day reflect inward, for such is what you truly deserve.
            
            "A person's life is not measured by how much they have suffered, but by what they choose to do after suffering."
            
            This is it for now.
            
            Bughos na nagpapasalamat,
            Kevin
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ezrasaur

for now, i realized it: that the greatest and only real tragedy was to believe that ours was one.
            
            this, is my letter not written with wounds, but words and prayers that turns back on the past i no longer want to commit to -- and am trying so very hard to let heal as a part of me. i'm sorry, but also thankful. thankful that we tried, even when we were hurt. thankful that we tried, even when in hurt. thankful, so thankful, so thankful to have grown with you for even the miniest moment in life's infinite expanse
            
            life has more in store beyond the happiness we gave each other :]
            
            and if the day comes, i hope to rekindle once all romance lays to rest. if not, i will forever be content with the chapter we wrote together;
            
            daghang salamat and all wellness,
            niko
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Wehess

In search of my found family
          
          Pink Pony Club, I'm gonna keep on dancing at the
          Pink Pony Club, I'm gonna keep on dancing down in
          West Hollywood, I'm gonna keep on dancing at the
          Pink Pony Club, Pink Pony Club

Wehess

What makes writers so grotesquely frightening is that their work often reflects the entirety of the self. Artists may express themselves through beauty, form, and reference, but writers bear themselves differently: their work becomes an extension of the foundations of their lives. And when something strains to be spoken yet remains incomprehensible, it speaks volumes.