Word dump

This isn't the first time I've been very sad, but it's the first time I don't know how to get over it.

That's why I can't forgive, neither myself nor you. Because I fell down, I wanted you to hold out your hand. 
          On my worst days, I wanted you to be with me. Because my eye has always searched for you; my ear is familiar with your voice,the only word I know is your name..
          Because I'm tired, I wanted to lean on you. But you weren't there..

there was a time.
          There was a time to call and ask, to think carefully, you missed it.
          No matter what you do now, it sounds disingenuous.   - said someone who knows.

I have hopes for you 18.

https://youtu.be/bWw84qpeHiA?si=1cX9zLxz2sMl8dky

Can you forgive me?

I hate hot weather, I hate heat, I hate everything that's hot,I hate it.

I don't know my place
           I don't know which side I'm on

because everyone is a crazy grinning punk

rather than being satiated with crumbs of love 
          i will starve alone in this life