Icarus

I think I'm catgender like I was reading a fic on Ao3 and this guy identified with a cat and used it/its to connect with that and made like cat sounds and all that jazz and now I've been thinking of the fact that since I was a kid I've been deeply connected with cats. Like I used to hiss all the time to the point guys were picking on me for it in like 7th grade. I know I'm not a furry or a therian and I remembered catgender and have just been looking it up and I think I might be. Like I know I'm a boy but also I kinda wanna be more thought of in regards as a cat. I already use it/its so I don't think there's any new pronouns to go with it (in regards to my last post I did decide to use those new pronouns so mine are now he/xe/it/ix) so I think its just a new label to go with it.

Not me thinking of adding another pronoun to my pronouns since I got curious about how to use a certain one and that led to me going down a path of pronouns and finding one that I'm like "do I want to be called that?" And I think I might Idk yet

Went to the doctors because ive been nauseous for the past five days. First they thought I was pregnant, which ive never even done that, and now its just my anxiety. Wth? I'm pretty sure I'd know if it was my anxiety since I'm anxious almost every single day. And I haven't even been anxious lately! So explain that, how is it my anxiety if I'm not feeling anxiety? For the past five days I'm rarely been anxious and yet they, the doctor and my parents, are convinced 'oh its just her anxiety'. No its not. I dont know what it is but it's not that since ive literally only been nauseous, no other symptoms. But since I'm a teenager and I have anxiety that immediately makes it that thats what's wrong. Me being a senior now just probably adds that to the list on why my parents think its anxiety.

Okay well now this is starting to piss me off. Who keeps reporting me? Istg I will delete all my posts if this keeps happening. Idgaf, y'all probably won't hear from me for a bit anyways since if what I'm going to do works then I'll have no reason to post anymore.

Considering telling someone how su!c!dal I am.. I dont know how to feel about that since, since I was 13 I've been set on being de@d. And now I kinda want to tell someone.. Its weird.

Actually how the hell do I have so many followers? Like I don't post, were my comments that good you decided to follow me? I mean I don't really care, not being rude I just literally can't feel my emotions most of the time, I'm just a bit surprised because 144, that's a lot of people.

Okay I don't even remember what I wrote about but apparently it had to do with sh or something because wattpad itself private messaged me and removed two of my posts I think. Which honestly kinda bothers me because I literally can't remember what I wrote because of this stupid medicine I'm on. All I know is my posts were removed and I can't remember what they were about. So now I'm regretting not screenshoting them so once I'm used to this medicine I could see how stupid I was being.

Honestly I just realized how possessive I am. Like I already knew I was possessive because its me and I'm crazy like that. But I mean for my best friend, thats like a sibling to me? I do would do anything for her. I would *literally* kill for them if she wanted me to or if something bad happened. Like I dont know if it has to do with the fact me and emotions dont really click, if its just the fact shes probably the one I'm closest to or what. But I would do anything for her. And I realized that a couple months ago but I just realized how far it runs because with other people I dont feel that, like if you f*ck with my friends I'll defend them, but I think that they're the only one I would be willing to kill for.

I kinda regret coming out to my parents because at least then the constant deadnaming and misgendering would be because they didn't know and because then tons of strangers I've never met wouldn't know that I'm trans since for some reason they seem to tell everyone they know that I'm trans

Just saw my freshman year English teacher that stared at me as I was recovering from an hour long anxiety attack in her class and I'm not okay with it. Thankfully it seemed like she didn't recognize me.