WhatBringsDeath

SPOILER WARNING: "my stomach is a wet bag of teeth and I’m swallowing the bile just to stay heavy. a porcelain-packed weight of grinding enamel and frayed nerves. every few minutes, I swallow down the rising tide of bile—not because I want to, but because I need the ballast. I’m terrified that if I let the bitterness out I’ll become light enough to drift away, or worse, hollow enough to collapse into myself." okay so I'm kinda taking a while so here's a glimpse at a future chapter!
          	
          	Shits about to go down.

WhatBringsDeath

@sze_ann I swear the wait will be worth it!
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sze_ann

@WhatBringsDeath omgaid, CAN'T WAITT
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WhatBringsDeath

SPOILER WARNING: "my stomach is a wet bag of teeth and I’m swallowing the bile just to stay heavy. a porcelain-packed weight of grinding enamel and frayed nerves. every few minutes, I swallow down the rising tide of bile—not because I want to, but because I need the ballast. I’m terrified that if I let the bitterness out I’ll become light enough to drift away, or worse, hollow enough to collapse into myself." okay so I'm kinda taking a while so here's a glimpse at a future chapter!
          
          Shits about to go down.

WhatBringsDeath

@sze_ann I swear the wait will be worth it!
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sze_ann

@WhatBringsDeath omgaid, CAN'T WAITT
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WhatBringsDeath

It's finals week for me, but I'll 100% post this weekend or next week inshallah I'm still appreciative of the little engagement I am getting!!:D

WhatBringsDeath

@Blackberrywolf6435 I appreciate the support, but if you really like my book don't be afraid to leave kudos (a heart) so it boosts activity!!:)
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Blackberrywolf6435

@WhatBringsDeath good luck! Also your book is amazing so far!!
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WhatBringsDeath

Dropping my book this weekend!! Probably

WhatBringsDeath

@litamatxcha uhh I actually decided to post it my beta-reader has recently ghosted me (due to  life picking up/college) so I was a little hesitant
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WhatBringsDeath

@litamatxcha <333
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litamatxcha

@WhatBringsDeath even though I don't know what the book is about I'm excited for it!! Cant wait!
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WhatBringsDeath

Still pissed.
          
          Another year. Another number. 17. Honestly. I'm just more pissed off than ever. Still drowning in this lack of self-complacency, still fighting the urge to "self-destruct". Every single day is a battle against my own mind, and I'm so damn tired of losing. 
          
          Is this what 17 is supposed to feel like? Or 16? Or 15? Or 14? Or 13? When does it kick in? When am I supposed to start appreciating myself? I see others who've had it so much worse, WAY worse and yet they find satisfaction? This is some absolute bull. Why can't I find joy in my own damn achievements anymore? Is this what "growing up" feels like? I fear hell and most days I'm terrified of the pain of s h but I still do it. Why am I so pathetic? I hate this. I don't want to go to hell. May Allah forgive me for doing these haram things. I hate this so much.
          
          In summary: Happy Birthday to me, I guess, can't wait for ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS. Om f—

WhatBringsDeath

On paper I'm "achieving" I may very well graduate highschool with a bachelor's, I've got good grades, a good and growing GPA. But, still why do I lack any sort of self compliancy? When does this feel different? Maybe I'm just being a little bitch about it. Or idk maybe only people with perfectionist parents understand? They push you to do good, to be good, but the actual "doing good" part. Like, the achievement itself is met with a lackluster reaction. Idk there's more to it than this, 'illegal wise' but I do not feel comfortable enough to share a lot lollll
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sofiwon

i miss u

WhatBringsDeath

@sofiwon Definitely !!<333
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sofiwon

@WhatBringsDeath 
            
            we dont talk about what happened in april *says with black cloak on, ominous music playing in the background*
            
            in all seriousness I MISSED YOU. we should talk sometime fr.
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WhatBringsDeath

I was super surprised to see your comment btw given before I left you weren't active on discord at all what happened?:((
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sofiwon

hi

sofiwon

@WhatBringsDeath  im sorry, that must have been CRAZY
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WhatBringsDeath

@sofiwon I resorted to using my school iPad... Just getting it back now near the END of summer break:((
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WhatBringsDeath

Sorry, I was grounded from my phone for months and by the time I was ungrounded my dad completely lost my phone. My grandpa ended up buying me a new one!
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WhatBringsDeath

IM LITERALLY SO BORED PLEASE I NEED ONE OF MY FAVORITE CH AUTHORS TO WRITE FCHGJCYGJGHD !!!!

WhatBringsDeath

@sofiwon GASP NO WAY
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sofiwon

@WhatBringsDeath ;)
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