WinterhQv

I write my true story experiences here cuz thankfully no one knows me in the real life..

WinterhQv

I admit that I've been into girls since elementary school, but sometimes i like boys too but not as much as i like girls.. even so, I've held back until now. I kept this a secret from people who know me, including my parents, friends, siblings, and even cousins. I try to act like a normal girl in general, yeah.. like a heterosexual. I know they're all homophobic so I pretend to act like they do, it hurts and even I feel like I've betrayed my feelings..
          
          Maybe there're several guys who are attracted to me and confess to me, even though in the end I always reject them all with the same reasons "not ready to feel love" "Focus on studying" that's a bit funny but cruel too sometimes imo^^
          
          When I was a teenager (junior high school), I always denied my feelings until I was presented with a pretty girl with the initials K who wanted to be my friend. okay, she's not just about pretty, but she's smart, friendly, humorous, kind. that's what makes me secretly admire her.. The first time she came and spent the night at my house made me feel anticipation, nervous, and excited.
          
          She borrowed my pajamas and I happily gave them to her when it was time for bed. We lay together in my bed in a very dark room and there is a faint reflection of light through the window curtains
          
          okay at that time I was very nervous but I tried to look fine as if it was just sleeping together nothing more. I can't sleep instead of trying to sleep I just listen to her breathing and at that time I thought she was already asleep, it made me a little disappointed but in reality she couldn't even sleep at all idk why.. until she suddenly put her arms around my waist *DAMN at that moment I froze, my breath hitched, my heart started beating fast, until the AC in my room wasn't enough to cool my whole hot body. And K called my name softly, this is weird! I have never experienced this feeling before.. this feels unfamiliar for me. But that night we just shared stories with each other until dawn, we didn't sleep.

WinterhQv

Until now, I haven't found someone who makes me feel the same way as I do for HER. Even though I tried, the results I got felt empty and boring. Maybe I'm numb..? Or maybe it's not the right time yet. but I know for sure someone will succeed in making me beat again, I don't know who that person is or when but I definitely hope it will be something beautiful. or maybe it happened to a guy who I'm close to now, he tried hard without giving up, and to make me fall in love with him. I have rejected him but he's so stubborn Oh my God.. he's younger than me but he's a hard worker, I admire hardworking people, maybe it will happen to him, maybe.. someday..
• Reply

WinterhQv

nothing more than just a normal conversation like two girls usually have.. well even though I feel a little disappointed, but I'm happy to be able to spend time with her :) 
            
            We've been friends for almost 4 years and where our friendship was destroyed because I messed it up, I'm selfish, I admit it. I regret that I distanced myself from her, I ignored her messages just because of my JEALOUSY. Yep, I get jealous when she's close to someone else. I get mad at her as if I have the right. No, that's wrong. I don't have right to do that.. She admitted that she loves me but only as her 'BESTFRIEND'. it hurts.. tbh :( i love her so much but in silence, I'm scared, I don't dare to confess to her. K asked me "What's wrong with you?" "What made you change like this?" "If I did something wrong, I apologize" DAMN THIS IS NOT HER'S FAULT I SWEAR! ALL THIS TIME IT'S MY FAULT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER who is literally a heterosexual girl. and i was selfish.. i didn't even apologize to her.. i don't deserve her.
            
            until one day K told me that she liked a guy in her class. I am jealous. I couldn't stand hearing that they started dating. At that time I disappeared from her life without leaving a message or a word. I cut off from our friendship. It was very painful to be honest, I cried a lot at night missing her, her voice, her smile, her laugh, her touch, whatever it is about her. I regret it. That was four years ago.. I have a new life now.. I have moved on from her and I am happy to see her happy even from afar.. 
            
            (This is my true story, I learned from my mistakes that love is not about possessing but letting go... something beautiful does not need to be touched even though it can only be seen from afar). END–
• Reply

melankoliis

Halo! Saya Norang. Kalau-kalau bersudi, silakan mampir ke buku yang sedang saya tulis. Perihal perasaan bersalah yang tak diketahui apa penyebabnya, namun Karam tahu bahwa dirinya telah melakukan sesuatu di masa lalu yang membikin hubungannya dengan Andam jadi kacau. 
          
          Tepi Pantai | Karina Fanfiction 
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/389971777
          Another cast: Winter dan Jeno. 
          
          Terima kasih!