H o n e y

I have a new blog on Tumblr instead. There's a lot less despair when I post there. Bye strangers... For now, I'll probably be back when my depressive season starts again. 

(TLDR: local mentally ill teenager has a fucking manic episode and a major meltdown over losing his friends, like the toddler he is) 
          
          I think everyone I knew here is either dead or jumped ship to a new platform, so fuck all of you, I'm still here, and now I'm venting. No one is even here to see, and God is my only witness. Also, I need to get this out of my system bc I'm 17 now, and I need to let go of this childish crap. 
          
          This place is poison. Absolute poison. And yet I don't know if I'll ever leave. I miss my friends. I really miss my friends. I'm not ashamed to say that. No one even told me why everything fell apart so fast. I think this den of nightmares is what gave me abandonment issues in the first place. I hate it so much. Paranoia is the worst, I wish I didn’t hate you. But the longer you aren't around, the more I feel like everyone secretly hated me, that everyone was just tired of me in specific. And that's fucking insane. That's lunacy. But it's been getting worse and worse, and I hate everyone I knew here now, even my old best friend. Especially my old best friend, actually. 
          
          Anyway. I'm tired. I need closure. I won't get closure. I hate you all.
          
          ~ARS

@Wolfowl0304 likely. 

*Screams into the void again.*
          
          Is anyone even on this app, this is so f*cking boring istg— I guess I need to make new friends. Jazzy.
          
          I'm not even upset, I'm just bored. 

WAIT WHERE ARE MY OLD PMS?! >:0

I genuinely don't know how to feel about these earlier posts on this account. I want to give my younger self a hug so bad. I was just a kid trying to act like an adult, and it showed. Hell, I'm still a kid. Being 17 is weird. 
          
          I know I'm just screaming to the void atp, but it's nice to be able to speak my mind, even if it's just to myself. It kinda feels like talking to a grave. It's cathartic. It would be cool to get some of you guys' new socials, though, if anyone is still around. Or get new tips on how the platform works now. Probably not, but hey, we all know I cling to the past too much lol.
          
          Anyway, ily, take care of yourselves <3

Someone needs to start a revolt and get people back on this app. Not it :p

Holy sh-t.
          
          We're so back.
          
          I fixed the glitch, and I'm logged in again.
          
          Huh. 

I miss having people to talk to 

The dysmorphia/dysphoria switch from wanting a flat stomach to wanting abs is real • V •
          
          (I also reached around 1 year of training and didn't even realize— at least my arms don't look like beanpoles anymore. Here's to hoping for an actual gym membership this year)