a smith of words

For so long I haven’t known what to do in my future, and it seemed like the most frustrating thing. But now I think I’ve realized my calling and what I want my future to look like, but it’s actually MORE frustrating than ever because of not knowing how to get there. It’s a competitive world, and even more so in the field I want to work in. I guess knowing what I want to do is a step closer to getting there, but I never realized how difficult it is just to start out. And I’m not looking to be the most successful, but I’m looking to get to a place where I’m proud of myself. It won’t be easy. But I have a feeling it’ll be worth it in the end.

The best fiction is when it really isn’t all that fictional after all...

I’m just going to say, whoever has successful fantasy stories really has to be given a hand. World-building is incredibly hard to pull off; the author is literally the creator of a completely new universe. Not only that, but they have to create new creatures and different laws of nature that are somehow still logical. Damn.

Often we like to move on from events and things fast, but when it’s something truly heartbreaking, please take your time. When you’re going through a heartbreak, take your time. When you’re grieving a loss, take your time. Yes, there can be such a thing as too much time, but too little time is just as dangerous. Just as a scrape in the skin turns into a scab and eventually heals, so does the heart. It will still be a heartbreak or a loss and you’ll still feel some pain, but you will feel a lot less of it. Let yourself be alone or with loved ones; take weeks or even months to heal. Don’t mind people who say “you aren’t the same anymore.” Something happened to you, obviously you aren’t the same you were before the event happened. Don’t let the event chan your entire personality, but it did affect you. You will grow and learn from it.

I feel like I won’t ever wake up feeling good.

You know how we always say that history repeats itself? I feel like global warming will not only melt everything but it will eventually dry all the water up and earth will just be dry land and dinosaurs will come back. Mark my words

I’m realizing that 2020 isn’t just the “worst” year or the “saddest” year; it’s the year that slaps us in the face the most. It’s the most unexpected year. It’s the year that is waking us up and giving us something unfamiliar. We need to remember what we did right and definitely what we did wrong after this year; because although this virus might just be unstoppable, we need to take note on what we’re doing. We need to be grateful for what we usually take for granted, and we can’t get too caught up in our own little bubbles. We need to be more prepared for things like this in the future. We need to remember this year.

One thing I just read from Aristotle made me realize something. Courage is not having fearlessness, but it is having confidence in the face of fear. Damn.

I just had an hour and a half conversation with a friend, and although they’re not doing 100% right now, it felt really good to talk with them.

But it’s been hard to feel confident in myself, because I’m my own worst critic. I see myself and AM myself every day, so I’m able to asses everything about me and pick out what my worst flaws are.
          
          I’m so harsh when I mess up, hurt someone, or embarrass myself. Even if I’m not the one to blame for a situation, I just get so emotional and take it out on the one person I know I never say sorry to. And I never forgive myself either.
          
          But I have to work on myself, mostly mentally. Because if I start to think better, everything else good will come along. I might not always like the body I’m in, but I can work with what I’ve got. I can always improve it. If I can improve my body, I can improve my mind as well. And if I even learn to love myself for all that I am, who cares what I look like. There is only one of me and I can’t keep comparing myself to others.