@XxLiverssx Hello there!
First off, your writing is strong, and you have real talent! To enhance your work, consider allowing the emotional side of your story more space to develop.
Currently, the emotions and actions feel a bit rushed. For instance, the "Yandere" aspect needs time to grow through various situations and conversations. Falling in love, especially when it leads to obsession, takes time, particularly with a character’s past traumas and trust issues.
### Tips for Enhancement:
1. **Pacing is Key:** Slow down emotional development to make the journey feel more believable.
2. **Show, Don't Tell:** Demonstrate emotions through actions. Instead of saying "she was jealous," show her clenching fists or hardening her gaze.
3. **Deepen Dialogue:** Ensure conversations reveal character and advance relationships.
4. **Build Relationships Organically:** Create reasons for characters to interact and develop feelings through shared experiences.
5. **Incorporate Key Events:** Use specific moments that trigger emotional growth or shifts in relationships.
In summary, adding more dialogue and key events can deepen your characters' emotional arcs. I hope this feedback helps! You're a talented writer, and I want to see you shine even brighter.
