XxMilk_TeaxX

Chat where is my baby

Blu, you dont know how proud i am of you, even if i dont show it, you have grown to be a man, and thats a hard thing to do. Most of us are boys and girls, but you are a man. Its been so tough for you since people are inconsiderate and rude in this world and you keep strutting on and you dont care what people say, if someone makes fun of you, you get back up and not care about what they say and im proud of you for that.
          
          I love you so much

Its like, why do I try anymore.

Oh my dear darling, how i mistake, how being nice and rude for being the same thing, Oh my dear darling im going insane, i hope you dont leave me and leave me to stay, Oh my dear darling, how its fun to cut, but every time I hurt you theres a punch in my gut. Oh my dear darling, how im so sorry for you. I just want to paint the sky starry and blue. Oh my dear darling you mean to much to me, but I always cause a scene and you have to always flee. Oh my dear darling how the rope is so fun, but it will always leave you to mope and soon be done. Oh my dear darling, i cant stop crying, but the vows will always keep tying. Oh my dear darling how my devotion goes to you, I wish we can just sit by the ocean but i dont know how to. Oh my dear darling.

Can i end it

It’s not just me and blu anymore, it’s always xgirly and blu and tonk. Im sorry if im fucking talking shit about you guys but i have nowhere else to write. Im always fucking left out to fucking cry to myself, Blu and xgirly always have fun together without me, screaming and laughing to the point it hurts my eardrums even if they read my message, they dont give a fuck?.. not a single fuck. They care about themselves and im stuck cutting myself to make myself feel better and get what I clearly deserve for being a bad girlfriend. Then I talk about my grandpa dying they seem like they dont care so i dont talk about it anymore and its taking a toll on me, crying and quietly screaming until i run out of breath. Next time I deafen and say im gonna kill myself i might not be joking this time because i fucking feel left out and I feel like im forcing people to talk to me. Watch blu and xgirly both hang out tomorrow, without me. AND ITS OUR FUCKING ANNIVERSARY IM FUCKING KILLING MYSELF ISTG.

Every-time someone laughs with me at a joke I made or something thats “funny” that I did, I feel like its fake and im just annoying. I dont know I got a depressive thought one night and kind of stuck with it, i only can vent on here since I guess people just dont wanna hear it from me, maybe I took it too personal? Who knows. I honestly haven’t cried in so long and now I cant stop crying

Heh.. we all wanna kill ourselves in this family, how funny. Yet I was the only one punished for it.

So.. I currently love life right now!! Kinda uhm fighting to not uhm pass out of fear.
          
          Last night my dad got drunk off his ass, at 12 I heard yelling from downstairs didn’t think much of it, I continue talking to my boyfriend until I heard loud banging from the door. I go to open it after my mom calls me and I get in the middle of it.
          
          My mom texted me to see if I wanted to come with and I said sure. At that point my boyfriend when to bed and I was crying to myself in fear, I had so much anxiety my legs were trembling, my brain was dizzy, couldn’t control my breathing. I was worried and overwhelmed. Thinking of possible outcomes like he would yell at me, hit me, or even beat me.
          
          He was downstairs luckily so i grabbed my mom’s coat and left, for 5 years he made my mom seem psychotic when in reality it was my dad.
          
          My dad calling her Narcissistic, Fat hoe, 355 pound slut. Thats not ok and straight up childish.
          
          We dont even know what to do anymore, we have no money, he keeps spending it, nowhere to go, my mom has no friends, I dont have any friends either.
          
          Also he went to get alcohol with the highest percentage to get himself drunk and was suspected of taking my grandpas pain pills.

Wonder what it feels like when your parents cant even afford to get you clothes, one doesnt even work, they keep fighting and you are always in edge to the point you cant sleep and need a distraction from life but get yelled at everytime you distract yourself??.. I dont wonder that anymore. Its life now.