kandistars-
« i couldn’t bring myself to call / except to call it quits »
// here’s ur angst bestie <3
lying on a mattress on the floor of megan’s room, lyss is bored and antsy. megan is asleep—or at least silent—as the other repeatedly checks her phone, sighs, wills time to go faster. it’s not that she dislikes megan (far from it, actually). it’s that this whole thing is just too f/cking static. even within the tumult of their relationship she still wishes for something more, which she knows is totally idiotic. it’s just that commitment makes her itch. summer love twists itself into knots of resentment. (she writes that down.)
suddenly, lyss tears a page from the ring-binding of her notebook, afraid she’ll chicken out. she scribbles rapidly: an apology, something overwrought, poetic, maddening. self indulgent. she slips the note, folded, under the duvet next to megan’s hand, not waiting to see whether she stirs. a floorboard whines beneath her foot as she scoops yesterday’s clothes into a bag, an attempt to leave before she actually has to /confront/ megan. she’ll block her number when she’s home. under the rustling she doesn’t hear blankets shift on the bed.
XxM3th0dactingxX
@kandistars- "yeah, sure," she said sarcastically. she knew a whole lot about what the dark could do to someone's head, and *that* was not *this*. unless you were counting losing your nerve, which still didn't count. it didn't count if you planned it. megan flinched away, almost inadvertently, mostly because she couldn't stand anyone so close as her mind raced. who the hell did lyss think she was, and why was it megan's fault? she stood, the blanket crumpling to the bed. "you wrote it out though. you would've left. are you going or not?" she forced the question, but it made it sound like lyss was just stalling until she did in fact slip out in the dark. along the wall she felt for her jacket, jingling lumpy pockets. "you wouldn't just think it and have it mean nothing," she said honestly.
kandistars-
[ @XxM3th0dactingxX ] "only because--" because what? there wasn't much of an answer to that. because she didn't think megan would've woken up? because nothing she'd ever had, nobody she'd ever known, had lasted this long? but that would have come out cold and pathetic, now they're here and not under starlight, in the pages of a notebook, written down like a sad excuse for poetry when really, there wasn't a lot she could romanticise about the palpable fragility in the air. she didn't want to look megan in the eye. "i freaked myself out over nothing. i told you, i don't think straight in the dark. things f/ck themselves up in my head." but megan was still staring at her as though she'd just been told lyss hated her. as though lyss wasn't trying to smooth things over, cast a tarp over it and kick it into a corner. "honest, you can ignore it." she stepped forward, the movement more like a stumble, as though trying to get close enough to hug, or kiss, or something.
XxM3th0dactingxX
@kandistars- "yeah, but..." megan blinked, expression blank as she tried to twist frayed wires together. "i don't understand," she said, which was the second most important thing, followed up by the first: "why'd you say that?" because that question had no answer either of them could've figured out. "you were just gonna give me this and, what, leave...forever? leave now? do you *not*...?" not like this? she was going to say. *not like me? or hanging out? or any of it?* whatever they were, that sweet glittery middle ground between a fresh friendship and something distinctly, cordially *else*, megan had liked it. it was new. it was like going to school and making friends ten years too late. but now she was confronted with the fact that not only did lyss not like doing whatever, she didn't like her *at all*. megan could've asked what it was about it, or about her. but it didn't cross her mind. "why'd you say that, then?" was all she could think of.
