You know you have a healthy relationship with your friends when the only reason they know you're not high is your intense aversion to drugs.

I had this friend once who knew a guy that had a sister who had a friend who had a grandfather that had a great grandson who had an aunt who was divorced from this guy who was ex best friends with this one girl who sat on a pear.

Believe it or not, watercolours don't distract from your lack of skill with painting or that you keEP STEALING MY CHIPS *intense stare at someone who may or may not have stolen my food one too many times. You know who you are*

The only time I ever remember losing a tooth was once I had a juice box and I nearly drunk my tooth and this other time I ate a pear and the tooth got stuck in it.

I don't even like pears.