I'm writing this here because no one I know is one here, I know no one will care. and i need to rant somewhere. I don't know what's wrong. I feel completely numb to everything and I feel as if i'm on cruise control. I got some devastating news about one of my family members and while everyone was sad and crying, I didn't feel a thing. I was completely numb to the entire thing and I shouldn't have been. I wanted to say that I was sad but I didn't feel anything. I love that person but it didn't hit me, it still hasn't. I feel like im getting left behind. I have no friends. I find myself unconsciously pinching my leg. i'm avoiding my responsibilities. I cant find myself caring about anything. I don't have the motivation to do anything. the only reason i go to my lectures is because im paying for them and don't want them to go to waste. I want to stay in bed all day and sleep. i don't want to do anything ever. im always exhausted. the things i used to love no longer make me happy. i see everyone around me having a great time and i cant help but feel envious but im scared. i try to be social but i cant. my social anxiety gets the best of me. it terrifies me having to talk to new people. i dread doing group work, i feel like ill disappoint everyone. im self conscious and feel like crying every time im alone. i have this paranoia that my roommates hate me. my high schools friends are enjoying their college experience but i cant seem to find pleasure in mine. there are some days that i cant bring myself to talk. im mentally exhausted and the people talking to me think i don't like them. i overthink the smallest things. I'm terrified but i don't know of what. i have a constant headache. I'm constantly on edge and getting irritated easily. i cant text my own sister without getting irritated. i think everyone hates me. I've never had a friend by there for me. im no ones first option. everyone has someone else, someone better to be with. im too scared to speak to anyone.
