I don’t use wattpad anymore really, but I’m sick today and I’ve been looking back at my past. I’m in highschool now, I was in elementary when I first started to read fanfiction. I look back at Wattpad as a weird time in my life when I didn’t really understand myself, the people around me, or what I would read. I was 10 when I started to really get into wattpad, I used to watch Gacha’s and texting stories as a form of fanfiction before I would read on here. I had so much genuine love for this app and I loved talking to the people I met on here. I look back at my earliest memory of reading, I was in my dad’s car in the passenger seat, we were driving back home from the hospital and talking about what we should eat, I’m fond of this memory but for no particular reason. Another memory I have is from when I went to the hospital for wanting to end it, I remember sitting in that bland white room while my mom was wiping her tears, I remember my dad sat next to me in the waiting room, I remember how horrible I felt, I didn’t want to burden my parents anymore but I didn’t want to live anymore either. I think that was my lowest point in my life so far, my friends were always dumping their problems onto me and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, I’ve learned now that their problems are not mine and I don’t need to solve them. I have one friend who I don’t think knows that their problems are not mine though. At the end of the day this post is a shout into an endless void, and I don’t really care how cringe it is.
