@Chantokyo85 maybe you should not make your chapters very straightforward. Instead of the typical "I gotta go" maybe you could say that He/She saw their parents, signalling that they have to go home or somewhere. Or you could proofread. I see lots of grammatical errors that could be easily corrected. Like, try not to capitalize words like "Blue". You simply could make your fanfiction popular, you just need the right ideas, which have been thought out through. Like I said, there are lots of errors, so you could take some time and proofread. That is my feedback for you, and I hope you have a nice rest of your day.