(TW: SUICIDE, ANGST, INSECURITY, ETC.)
"If you ever need me, just speak my name."
It had always been true. It was something you both had agreed on, that if you were ever in danger, if anything tried to hurt you, Xiao would be your barrier and your protector.
Mostly everyone is smart enough not to mess with an adepti anyway.
God, how couldn't he have known that maybe the biggest enemy you fought was yourself?
Of course he knew, to some extent, he tried to tell himself. Of course he knew that you didn't like you, but to the extent where you had slashed yourself over, and over, and over, watching the crimson seep from your wrists as a smile etched itself onto your face. The pain numbed your thoughts.
Was he not good enough to take those thoughts away?
Was the excuse of battle scars all it really took for him to distance himself away from your scars, assuming you just weren't careful?
Maybe if he didn't lecture you about how clumsy you were, you wouldn't be desperately clutching onto his hand.
"Love, why would you do this?" His eyes were frenzied and yet his face remained impassive, as expected.
At what point would he break for anyone?
Were you just not good enough to have him love you? Is that why it still seemed he didn't care? You could never compare to what he had in the past.
"I'm not good enough, Xiao." your words came out tired, and exasperated, and you had just wanted to let go. "Please just take your hands off of the wound, it hurts. Please."
"Whatever happens, you aren't allowed to die."
"It's too late for me, Xiao," you whispered, tears sliding down your face. "And it hurts. I'm sorry, but just please, let me go."
"I'm not letting you go."
"I deserve it."
His hands pressed down harder on the wound as you winced and he couldn't contain the rage he felt. "You don't deserve it! I love you, damnit, and you've done so much for Liyue and Mondstat and for you to die is for me to lose myself. Don't you dare die on me, do you understand?"