Ohaiyo author-chan! ☺️
So all in all your writing is already pretty good!
The only 2 tips that I think could help you are :
1. Use the 5 senses in your descriptions (vision, hearing, smell, taste and touch) for the reader to FEEL like he’s in the story, it can really help to not just explain what the character sees, but what he feels from all his senses (or those important in the situation)
Exemple : « Naruto got to the festival and was excited to see all the agitation and costumes » can become « Naruto headed to the market and on his way he started to hear the shouting of the marchants negotiating and trying to have the customer’s attention. His pace accelerated while a big smile took place on his lips, he started to smell spices and fried noodles just before taking the last turn to the market and started to drool. His excitement was at its peak when he finally arrived to the festival and was amazed by all the colors, costumes and decorations in the market »
2. Show don’t tell (as often as possible), instead of telling the reader what the character is experiencing, it can feel REALLY stronger to describe the reaction of the character for the reader to understand what is going on from the reaction.
Exemple :
« This statement hurted Naruto so deep that he couldn’t act anymore and started to cry » can become « Naruto’s eyes widened to those words, his bottom lip started to tremble while his eyes watered. Trying to repress his feelings, he clenched his fists and grinned, but tears started to fall from his eyes and soft subs escaped from his mouth »
I hope this will be handy for you and please don’t hesitate to write to me if you have questions or want to talk, I would be more than happy to discuss with you
