Jolie

Nvm gotta wait for tomorrow...maybe tonight round 3 if im lucky they go to sleep at 2

Goodbye

Anyways, I see that my mom won't change no matter what. However, I want to see if it takes me almost dying to get her to finally see what she did. If I do bleed out, I want to see if she blames my uncle, anyone else, or finally see what she did to me.
          
          I have a dream of creating a large fan base for my yt channel and twitch, even if it's small, I want it to be a safe space for my viewers, but I’m aware it won't happen. I’m leaving. I gave up on my dream since it's not a real job.
          
          I suck at exspressing myself. I’m bad at controling my emotions. I’m over dramatic. I can't keep a friendship. I suck at connecting to people. It's always my fault when a friendship doesn't work out.
          
          Anyways, I’m currently listening to music, laying on my bed while writing this, my two little sisters are in the next room, playing Roblox. My older sister ran away with her boyfriend two months ago. My sisters are old enough to take care of themselves without my help. My mom will have 3 kids left. 2 of them are still growing. My older sister will hopefully return home some day for our mom's sake.
          
          I’m going to wait until it's night, so I could just slash away at my body on the couch in my room. When I bleed out, I’m gonna cuddle with the stuffed bear my grandma got me for Christmas, and the detective Pikachu plushy my older sister got me. I never gotten the chance to be a normal kid without judgement. I want someone to hold me as I go, so a stuffed bear and Pikachu is close enough ig
          
          I’ve been bullied throughout my life since I got to this shity town. I hate it here. I haven't been to school since grade 8 due to the bullying, sh, and suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I should be in grade 10 this semester. I’m not allowed out. I used to smoke when I was 12. I know it's disgusting, but I liked it when that man and my cousins used me. I want to be touched again, but I know that won't happen due to how ugly I am.

Anyways, my mother would often slap me when I was 6, but stopped when I was 13. She would throw stuff at me, and my other family members knew of the abuse, but did nothing about it. But my uncle, who I see as a father, at least tried making things better, and I also loved my aunt, his wife. They asked to adopt me from my mother, but she refused, and after that, my aunt and I grew apart. I remember that I once ducked a hard toy taco truck she threw at me, and it hit the TV. She was angry, and blamed me. Fuck you mom. I also remember one time where I did something to the TV, and I was having a panic attack. My stupid little sluts of sisters laughed at me and taunted me in their annoying voices. Good thing my older sister was able to fix it, and mother never found out
          
          When I was 13, I started hurting myself with a knife. My mom noticed, because I was a dumbass and did it on my arm, which was so fucking obvious. It's satisfying watching the blood spill. The adrenaline numbs the pain, allowing you to cut deeper.

By the way, I forgot to mention that we often got taken away by CPS, and given back. One time, I got taken away, and I was around 8, along with my older sister, who is around 4 yesrs older then me. We were placed with my grandmother from my father's side of the family. I used to love it, but I grew to hate it. During my time there, my older cousins, two females and 1 male, touched me. My male cousin at least treated me nicely. The other two however, blackmailed me, threatened me, and often made me do things that made me uncomfortable. The boy was the same age as me. The other two were around my sister’s age. When thid first happened, I remember one of them hiding the cross, saying “So Jesus won't see us.” I also remember the same girl using a stapler as a gun to me. The other girl wasn't that bad though. I remember when my grandmother suddenly forced me to sit in one spot, just watching TV while the other kids had fun. This continued until it was time to go back to my other grandmother’s house, from my mother's side. I stayed with my grandmother for a few months, along with my older sister. My mother was living with my now step father with my two little sisters. I was a demon when I was younger. I always hit my sisters, because I thought it was normal to do that when angry. I stopped when I was 12 though when I realized it wasn't normal.

Warnings: Su!c!d3, SH, SA
          
          Hello. I hope you don't mind, but I want to let others know what I went through before ending it. Also, I think I should tell whoever reads this that I have autism. I’m sorry btw
          
          My emotions are neglected by my mom. My younger sisters have no respect to me. When I finally gathered the courage to tell my mom how I felt, I sent her screenshots of two people I messaged about what I feel, and hinted at what I went through. When she read them, she immediately came to my room and asked who they were. I said it's not like they know us irl. She brushed my feelings aside. She's more worried about what those white men think of her. She's more worried about her job. I get that she's extremely busy and I’m lucky to have such a hard working mom that provides for us, but I just want her comfort. This happened around 12 pm btw, and it's currently 3 pm
          
          When I was 6, I had to suck and jerk off my father's friend. But he never did anything else to me. My bio father and mother always fought, and I often watched them physically fight while me and my older sister sat on the couch. My father then went to jail for charges I don't know of, I believe I was around 7. Before my little sisters were born, me and my older sister were extremely close. But I felt like they took her away. Now, I’m older, and understand ig. My mother packed up our stuff and before we all left, she destroyed my childhood home. She broke the walls, broke the pipes, a few other objects, then we left, heading to my mom’s home town.

Read it all!
          
          
          
          
          I mean it!
          
          
          
          Read it all!~
          
          
          
          
          If you were killed, I wouldn't be at your funeral.
          
          
          
          I'd be in jail for killing the person who killed  you.
          
          
          
          We are true friends.
          
          
          
          We ride together, we die together.
          
          
          
          Send this to everybody you care about, including me, if you care.
          
          
          
          See how many times u get this.
          
          
          
          I want you to know you're an amazing friend,till death and forever.
          
          
          
          If I don't get this back, I understand. 
          
          
          
          But I have a game for you.
          
          
          
          Once you read this letter, you must send it to 15 people,
          
          
          
          including me.
          
          
          
          If you get at least three back you are loved.
          
          
          
          Nobody knows how important something is, until they lose it
          
          
          
          Tonight,(right at 12:00am)the person you love will realize they love you.
          
          
          
          Then, at 1pm to 2pm,be ready for the shock of your life!
          
          
          
          If you break this chain, you will have bad luck.
          
          
          
          With love, send this to the 15 people
          
          
          
          If you don't you will turn ugly in 1 year.
          
          
          
          A friend told me to do this, so pass it on.
          
          
          
          Tomorrow, 2 boys/girls will ask if they can have your number.
          
          
          
          Send this message to 15 nice people or bad luck starts for a whole year.
          
          
          This is not fake.
          
          
          
          Apparently, if you copy and paste this, you will have the best day of your life tomorrow!
          
          
          
          Good luck!
          
          Oh!And don't send this to a group chat!

heyy, not to be rude, but why are we following each other? Like, where did we meet? 

Hewooo ME IS BI TOOO

HI HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!
          
          PUT THIS ON 10 OTHER PPL ACCOUNTS TO LET THE
          
          PRIDE SPREAD!!