Asher !! {🖤}

New year, new Punznap story! :D Enjoy the month of January!!

Merry Christmas (it’s late bc I got busy with family.. much needed family time..)

Why is the only joy right now a holiday that will be gone as fast as he comes?
          But also fictional fucking men,
          Maybe the world is to bleak
          Or maybe 
          It’s easier to cling to fictional men and copy their traites
          Then be yourself
          The verison that breaks people
          Alike you are yourself
          
          
          Maybe love is to lawful
          For a lawless heart
          Linked to anarchy
          And someone who plays
          Chess with humanity
          Because 
          Human connection
          Burns more then strong
          Whiskey or burben going down
          
          In the end human connection
          Burns you
          Breaks & kills you
          In the same way achole or even drugs will
          Because a living being,
          Can be come that if you’re
          Not careful and tread lightly
          
          When that becomes that
          It’s a dark obession
          That many will call contorlling
          
          Because you aren’t
          Normal never subscribed 
          
          To being “normal”

Emotional whiplash
          
          Ever feel like you need to cry
          But those tears never fall
          And they don’t fall so you get a headache
          That headache becomes a reason you can’t sleep…
          
          Problem becomes you have something to do tomorrow and you need to sleep,
          But it’s 1am and you’re mom is sleeping downstairs and you don’t want her to know you’re awake
          She’ll scold you for not being asleep when
          You know theirs something to do tomorrow 
          
          But you can’t sleep,
          Can’t cry,
          And you just keep repeteing the ways you
          Fucked up?
          Or he did—
          It did
          They did
          
          Your mind is a mess of soemthing that 
          Won’t
          Shut 
          Up
          
          But it all goes back to 
          You’re to stressed out to 
          Fucking cry—
          She’s ruining it
          It ruined itself
          
          What the fuck is even happing
          Why do you keep hurting
          Pepole when you don’t mean to
          
          Why does the past haunt,
          And now you’re sleepy 
          But can’t sleep
          
          Worried about
          What they promise
          They wouldn’t do
          But you can’t trust
          
          You need the fucking tea
          To help you sleep in this state
          But you don’t want to wake her up
          She’ll ask what’s wrong
          Then tell you you’re fucking stupid
          Give the i told you so
          When saying it won’t last
          
          Why does it hurt?
          It shouldn’t hurt
          Why is it burning behind my tear-locked eyes
          
          How do you get this pain to go away
          Why didn’t getting rid of her
          Fix it like what you thought 
          
          Five fucking days
          And now you’re back to where you
          Wore in October 
          
          Fuck
          This
          Fuck
          

          Elimination sounds good
          You get all the attention
          Their out of the way
          But now it’s empty
          Oh well
          
          …
          Idfk a short ass poem I’ve been in yandere shit again bc I was doing resurch

It all goes to that rainy day,
          When you bounded to him
          Yet he had another
          Someone who was unreliable at best
          You clingy to him
          Because he gets you
          He understands the 
          Machiavellian 
          Personality you had,
          With the psychopathy hidden underneath 
          
          You wanna contorl everything,
          Be the one who has the power,
          Even if in the dark,
          You’re a manipulator
          But for power
          Not for the crown.
          
          You get left out
          For a radiant whore
          Who flirts with any living entity 
          Ignored
          
          You’re mind grows darker, it drips
          And it  becomes a lake of ink
          And slowly it fades red,
          
          She’s in the way,
          Both are
          But you can’t do anything
          So you stay in slilence
          Writing characters dying
          Representing
          The ones who are driving you nuts
          
          Or maybe you should disspear competely?
          Maybe that’ll prove a point… 
          
          All you wanted was a answer
          You got ignored—when always told
          Feel free to join—and yet you got ignored 
          Tik tok
          Make up your mind!
          
          Why is human connections like everclear?
          It all starts with that rainy day.. that sixty seconds

Sixty seconds is how it starts,
          Then the world becomes inky,
          And it becomes painful
          Nobody hears you scream,
          9 minutes go by,
          Then another Satstic is written,
          A missing person,
          Months go by
          And the
          You cover in grime from
          It- washed up.
          
          But it all goes back to the first sixty seconds
          After the plunge in

Six feet deep
          
          Why does it  fell like when you say something you fear,
          You’re accusing someone their doing it
          When you’re not,
          But you have a deep-hole,
          A coffin shaped hole,
          In you’re soul
          Damaged & broken
          Due to trauma
          That it’ll happen again,
          That those messge,
          Their about you,
          
          That someone said,
          They liked you doing something 
          To you
          Then flip and tell everyone else
          They didn’t
          
          And now you fear,
          That anything you say
          You do 
          Is a burden
          
          That it’s only
          Digging you
          Deeper then
          Six-feet
          
          That damn echo chamber never
          Shuts
          The
          Fuck 
          Up
          TIL the pot boils over
          With all the words you 
          Never said
          Typed
          
          And you do something
          That throws you 
          Deeper into that
          Self made darkness
          Of lothing to
          One-self.
          
          So you act fine
          When deep
          Down
          You haven’t been okay 
          For a year 
          
          And all that fuels you
          Is immense undying
          Fear everything 
          You do & say
          Is a failure,
          That it will fail
          
          Driving you deeper
          And acting fine
          That smile is easy 
          To fake-
          Like a mental state 
          That’s irrevocably shattered
          For many reasons
          Being fine til it’s to late
          
          

I’m more excited for Christmas as days go on. I don’t know why. But I’m feeling happier and more free from the pain.
          
          Why did the shackles locking me
          In place disappear assuden?
          
          Anyways. I’m almost done listing to god of fury.. chapter 34. TikTok didn’t lie when they said this story was a roller coaster of emotions…
          
          —-
          Impenitent
          
          Can it come faster?
          I’ll heal it..
          The pain it hurts,
          The sting,
          The stabbing around that cavity
          It hurts, but the excitement
          Heals,
          
          He heals it,
          It heals it,
          I need my comfort object,
          But I can’t fucking find it,
          It feels like it’s ..
          
          My mind is hell,
          But it’s ment to be safe,
          My minds fucked,
          And you set in my works
          
          My spical fascinations is aprently 
          Wrong?
          
          I need to know,
          But I also don’t want to.
          Need..
          Want.
          Help.
          I’m fine.
          
          Or am I?
          

I’m almost free from my term! Only three more assignments!! Eek
          
          Anyways,
          —
          Inner monologue 
          Looking at my paper,
          The paper is misformed and spelled as normal,
          Wait what?
          Grammerly is now an ai bot??
          Wtf when did this change happen to supscription users—
          
          Eh okay,
          
          Well turns out my new thing is writing in,
          3rd person,
          That’s something
          
          Maybe it’s not so bad?
          Who am I kidding it is.
          Tests are the worst
          Can I just not?
          Damn..
          Wait 150?? Just to test out of a class
          What you mean
          
          God what is this economy?
          Whatever,
          I’m almost free!
          It’s almost Christmas
          I love this season,
          Though it’s so depressing
          But happy—
          They come and go like seasons—
          The real ones will stay