ZbH45300

Hey you! Just saw your votes on Alfeo :) it's been a while

Missing you

I was restless, jolted awake in the middle of sleep
          Haunted by past memories that I've buried so deep
          Drenched in tears and sweat, my pillow messily wet
          Cried over shame and regrets, till my face blotchy red
          
          The air was hot, though my room 25° temperature cold
          Gasped in my breath, looked for anything but found nothing to hold
          Back to square one, and again.. lost all my hope
          Makes me wanna climb the mountain top, and fall dead from the slope
          
          My heart reshattered, as those memories passing through
          "Out of sight, out of mind", I wish the saying was true
          Because even after a decade, I'm still painfully missing you
          As your name in my heart has forever been carved like a tattoo
          
          One step forward, two step backwards, that's how my life now
          I always want to let go of you, but I don't know how
          "Carpe diem", I keep telling myself that delusional unhesitant lie
          Because I keep trust nothing, trust no one.. unlike the lonely moon in the sky

I feel like shit, even in my sleep
          You play victim, tripping me guilt!
          You blame others, for your own cowardice
          And yet you wonder why those treats
          
          I feel bad for having this angry
          Cause you're an acquaintance I always have pity
          But all the pent up distaste might gonna burst
          And I'm worried that will only make us worse

There's always two sides of a coin. Being a cherry picker we are, we tend taking sides with the ones we favor. I've learned my mistake, the hard way. It costs me my friends, my self dignity, my soul... The guilt and shame it left behind was eating me alive till this day whenever I remember those days. No matter how many times I apologize, the feelings will never go away. I've become a person who is afraid to have friends and I also has trust issues on others. Yes, I've got an affable persona so people easily opened up to me (until we are bitching to each other, of course!). That's why, I refer most people as 'my acquaintance'. I'm not sure if they're even 'a friend'. Plus, I easily get bored with people especially when I just having to take their craps. When we choose to be selective to a matter in our hands or things we encountered at, we already lost our right in saying on that issue. Sorry I got carried away a little too much. Actually I wanna share with you that I've watched 'Venom', an anti-hero movie. See, even Marvel is generous in having the thought of 'there's always two sides of a coin (story). After watching that movie, suddenly the pent up emotion just flow out of me. Thus, here I am rambling and pouring my soul to no one. Haha I'm so pathetic. Cheers guys though I'm being brutal with you.

I always smile when you in my thought..
          My heart warms when my hand in your hold
          You promised me you wouldn't let me hurt
          You asked me to believe for what you have vowed
          
          But then I found out that your promise has been broke..
          Cause you had gone without saying a word
          You tell me nothing and your mouth tightly shut
          But here I am stupidly still waiting for you like an idiot
          
          I couldn't bring myself to cry for you out loud
          And I badly wish that this is only a dream so at it I can laugh
          But the tears helplessly dropped and just won't stop they had become flood
          Still the thought of you in my head fogging like a cloud
          
          ~ Zurina45300 ~
          *While eating my Kit Kat as breakfast ＼(^o^)／

I badly hope others had insomnia too..
          So that they know how tired their sleepless nights were be..
          How disturbing to be easily awake only to feel frustrating and angry!

~ Today is Sunday and here's my Saturday working story ~
          
          I noticed that every Saturday is the most hectic and busiest business day for us. But yesterday took me to a new level of mind blown that kinda makes me wanted to laugh hard but I can only smiling so bright till my face hurt, out of the heat of the floor.
          
          It's because my boss will take a leave for few days by next week so he practically calls one in training boss to monitor the business during his absence and to familiarize me, his new in training admin assistant with the second boss. And with him, I worked like my ass was on fire it almost comical and impossible not to laugh. 
          
          At first glance he will easily be misread because of his ways with people. I always get anxious and jumpy whenever he was around but the longer I know him, it feels like I can get along with him just fine. He was not very good with computer but he definitely is good with stock. While I am the opposite of him, I feel so thankful for having him around to help me searching where the hell is that item I'm looking for.
          
          It's different when I work with my former boss. He absolutely know his way with the business and he's a very patient man. Firm, smart and generous. Still, I'm looking forward to work with the latter boss and I pray that I wouldn't lost my mind until my former boss returns from his trip.

Heavy rain right now, pouring..
          Thunder and lightning, clashing
          Raging of nature is terrifying
          But pitter patter of rain is comforting
          And my poet soul is singing
          
          The after rain smell is heaven
          I seek calmness from them

Another long sleepless and restless night
          Another slaughtering nightmare haunted
          Awoke in anger and shake
          Another wave of tears break
          A painful memories then displayed
          Again my broken heart and soul shattered