It's vaild to cry. It's vaild to be mad. Its valid to feel betrayed. You're feelings are seen and heard and so valid.
It's also valid to move on or to not feel anything. Your emotions are your's and they're difficult to control.
Though you shouldn't lash out at others or the CCs. You shouldn't punish yourself. You shouldn't harm yourself to distract from the emotional pain.
Everything will get better. There's still memories and the friends you've made.
Take your time to cope and do some self care, the world can wait for you.
Sincerely and with the warmest of regards.
Callum Crossroads, everyone's mom.