Z.C

It's hollow. I began to feel nothing when I'm in the presence of youth, children who had been my last resort to continue living to protect them. I just began to silently tolerate their innocent warmths, lips emitting a gentle smile as a habit I used to do when I took care of them. It meant nothing now.
          
          Everything means nothing now.
          
          I am slowly detaching myself from reality. I am... done. Nothing, but emptiness. Closing my eyes, I hope to feel a blanket of void wrapping around my whole body. The coldness is welcoming, maybe I just need a change of pace.
          
          ...In truth, day by day, my body warmth is slowly decreasing. It feels like I am dead, a walking corpse. An acquaintance already described me as a living carcass. I see no difference now.
          
          Maybe this life is just an afterlife for me.

Within the darkness will we wait, so shall you ever invite us to the other side of the world, then we will take the opportunity to embrace the light of yours once again.
          
          Thank you, friend. May we meet again some day.

Yes, we will be fine, wouldn't we?

Breathe, breathe, and breathe. You will be fine.

It is unknown to me of why am I torturing myself like this. It's absurd, really. I've lost too much of any reminders of us together, yet deep inside my heart, I knew. I knew she was one of my supportive readers. She was there, always smiling in brightness, even while her eyes were burning with sadness. I just wanted to hold her hand for one last time. Who was supposed to retrieve all of my textbooks now?

Another one, another one. 
          
          Another one.

Tears, tears are such unpleasant quality every humans have. I always feel disgusted when I saw myself crying in the mirror. It made me look.. human.
          
          I hate humans. Being human scares me. I prefer watching everything from the background without having to embrace the positive emotions that were never genuine and painful. I liked being the observer of life. I did not have to feel, all I needed to do was to imitate everyone's expression accurately to fit in within society.

How can I keep tolerating those who are humans around me?

...I still fell behind to the mercy of my own grief. Another soldier had been lost into the darkness, and I find myself yearning more for that said darkness just to meet them again, just to feel their touches again. They were my... saviors.

Lost is such a painful and numbing experience one may went through. One, two, three, and four, slowly yet surely- everyone will leave me all alone and empty in this world, leaving a heavy responsibility that I call as grief to myself who is no more than a slacker. All I wanted, was a peaceful life. All I wanted, was to be peaceful. And yet....