Hi guys! How y'all doin'? Hopefully better than me.
Okay, firstly. I never had a happy childhood. I was at home but never felt like it cause of how my family treated and raised me. They'd bully me, tease me and call me skinny, tell lies about me and call me disrespectful. I there was a time I had to live with my aunt and cousin for a while cause my mom was almost never home. And let's just say, my current mental state has to do with how they've been treating me. When Mom came home id run and try to let her about it but she'd just fall asleep while I was venting and this was when I was seven. And that's when I realised no one cares, not even my own mother. I started keeping quiet and endured it all. My cousin who kept beating and cursing at me, me being scolded for no reasons, body shaming. Then when my brother was born, my mother turned on me and started picking favourites and it sunk it that I was really alone. And I got alot of pent up anger, depression from then to now.
Now, this what's happening. Lil cousin (O) wanted to sleep with me in her mother's bedroom and I agreed and told her to go sleep, I'd join her later cause I was still chilling with my other cousin (K), just talking. O decided to sleep in K's room where we were chillin and I told her to sleep in the other room. Later, O went to older cousin's room(L) and wanted to sleep with her. I then got scolded for "not wanting to sleep with O" and I explained to her that I would but she started calling me disrespectful and asked what did I do cause I really never understood and she kept telling me she not my age, and scolding me so I just apologized to her for idk what. She said she'd tell on my on my aunt for what I did. She then told O to go sleep with her.
This added on to my anxiety. I was already trying to calm myself from an anxiety attack. I just called it a night and went to bed.
There has never been a time I have not went to bed wishing I had a different family.