It's the death anniversary of Rosie. It's been one year since she left us. I feel sad, guilty and I feel like I've done a lot of wrong things to people around me. When the floor wasn't tiled with beautiful glistening marble tiles, may be... things were better. I don't know if it really was that way.
My mom was depressed back then. I felt nothing those days. May be I was searching for something without really knowing what I want. Or may be I just stayed doing nothing. 'Cause I don't remember something outside interfering in my life. I lived like I was in space. I mean I really didn't feel anything. Just living. Or may be I lived in a place with light and darkness and a blurred surrounding. I don't really know. There wasn't anything like happiness nor sadness before.
I now understand why people say growing up is hard. It's hard cause we understand things better. When we do, we can't stay like we know nothing. But I tried... I tried to stay like I understand nothing. In the end I was labeled as 'Ignorant.'
Is being ignorant wrong? We all need a break from this long term exhaustion, right? What if 'Being ignorant' is that break?
What if it's the only way I can be happy?
Should I still be 'Considerate' when it feels like I'm being stabbed by thousands of ice cold knives at once?
Should I still hurt myself so that others can be happy?
Should I stop 'being ignorant' so that I get that one positive comment about me being a good girl?
Or.....
Should I be 'ignorant' and let others say "You're fleeing away away from the reality?"
- ☆☆☆-
