dimitress

A Random Piece of a Puzzle
          
          You are not exactly I am looking for
          But you're the one who made me ask for more
          Maybe it is just a test
          Because believe me, I am straight the last time I checked
          
          You do not fit 
          That's the reality I have to admit
          You are just not part of the picture  
          But look incomplete with your departure
          
          You're the random piece of my puzzle
          The one I accidentally came across as I stumble
          You're not the missing piece 
          Yet you made my puzzle a masterpiece
          
          
          

This was written last June 30, 2023
          
          Thank you
          
          You know my life used to be dull and boring
          With nothing in mind where exactly I am going
          I just go with with the flow
          Like a lifeless doll that lost its glow
          I wake up, eat, and sleep
          And in the middle of the night that's when I usually weep
          I can't picture out what the tomorrow will be
          Well, I don't really wanna see
          Because everytime I try to open my eyes
          The reality will spit me with so many lies
          So I just chose to stay in the dark place
          That eventually became my haven and solace
          You know this has been my world 
          Dark, lonely, and cold
          Then suddenly you barged in 
          And I just think my world continue to spin
          Because you know it's been stuck for so many years
          Probably from the long season of frozen tears
          You're like a sunshine after the rain
          A reliever that took away the pain
          You also have your light with you
          While mine lost its hue
          That's why I was attracted to you
          Because you became the reason why lately I'm out of the blue
          Your luminosity guided me through the dark
           Everyday feels like I was walking through the park
          Although it was short lived
          I still want to thank you for the light that you continuously gives

I already forgot about this piece that I wrote
          Until I accidentally found it on my notes
          It's a poem dedicated to you
          A reminder that my feelings for you was indeed true
          It was entitled 'Thank you'
          And that moment I couldn't anymore argue
          It was clear as the distilled water
          My feelings really did falter
          I am not as crazy for you as before
          Maybe because of the pain that I became sore
          Still, it made me wonder
          What would be my reaction if your breakup happened sooner?
          I mean, we kissed while you're still together 
          And you split weeks after
          Unfortunately, it's already late to knew
          Because my friend now is all over you 
          Honestly, I don't know exactly what to react
          She asked for my permission after she already made her attack
          I won't deny
          I also want to try
          But I'm afraid I will lose you both 
          And I couldn't afford that thought
          That's why I decided to let you two
          Even if that makes me blue
          
          
          

If one day I'll be in a situation in which I have to choose between my own and someone's life that I love so much, I'll choose that someone's life. I'm not being selfless, in fact, it's a very selfish choice for me. I'm choosing that someone's life not to save her but to save myself. To save myself from lifetime suffering of having to live a life without her, which is more terrifying than death. I'd rather die once than to live like a corpse, dying multiple times from the pain of not having her around. 

Who is selfish?
          
          Do the people who took their own lives selfish? Why? Because they took something from us, their lives, that supposedly part of our own? Aren't we the one who are selfish? Why would we claim something that isn't ours in the first place. They get to decide, and that decision doesn't involve staying any longer in our lives. You're hurt and felt betrayed, but try to wear their shoes and look back where it went through. Maybe then you'll realized, they too, felt betrayed by the world they thought their place. They fought and tried, and it exhausted their remaining light. They were tired and let them rest.

Just Something
          
          I always want to write a piece
          With nothing in mind, free from any expectations and lease 
          I just want to express myself
          Be my own, far from the self-made known
          I don't even know who I really am
          Is it the self-destructive or the one who is calm?
          I've been battling a demon living inside me
          For so long it made me forget who I really wanted to be
          Is this really me? 
          Or just the one I wanted the world to see?
          Funny how I appear who plan with precision 
          When deep inside all there is, is confusion 
          Confuse where these plans will lead me
          Confuse wether this is what I really what my life to be
          I just want to be free
          Free from this binding force called me
          Me who is caged and chained by fear
          Afraid I'll totally dissipate with one final tear
          
          I hope someday purpose will knock on my door
          I'll gladly welcome it with an open arms
          
          

Wait for me 'til there will be no time to wait.

I'll gladly take the robbery case filed against me. I'm guilty anyway for stealing moments with you.

You're the forbidden fruit I'll never regret of stealing. 

I thought of something beautiful. I mean YOU.