@gilahri Yup, I gave it a try and (not that I really master at writing myself but) here are a few things that I think you can work upon.
First, I faced a slight issue trying to grasp what's truly going on in the beginning of the one shot because the paragraphs weren't clearly separated. As far as I know, The dialogues, especially the inverted commas, start from a fresh paragraph.
Second, I've noticed a pattern in your writing where you put "..." in between your dialogues. That's totally upto you if you prefer writing that way but I think these dots can replaced with emotions. Lemme give you an example:-
"Rutvi...I like you."
"Rutvi" His breathing hitched as if he was trying to look for the right words.
"I like you".
Now, the latter is WHAT I SPECIFICALLY PREFER and depends on person to person but yeah.
Third, the ending, it kinda felt mugged up, to me. A few more paragraphs to elaborate the feelings from both your main leads would definitely be better.
And I must mention, the theme that you chose was definitely something I try to look for on wattpad. Non toxic male leads and no nonsense drama, is a key element of your writing. Not trying to be weird but I can see alot of similarities in your and my mindset. And yes, this feedback was a serious one because tbh, Even I approached so many book reviews when I just started on wattpad, hoping to get a piece of advice from somebody who's genuinely tried my work but found none:/ I didn't want others to go through that, especially somebody like you, who knows what real writing is. I really hope you grow and improve and find your right set of audience. You can already count me in as one!
