Blueberry_Peach_Pie

Due to recent news I won’t be very active on here for the next day or two I can’t find it in me to do much so I apologize in advance 

Officially 10 days until my birthday! I’m sort of excited and very much freaking out 

Me bringing up my hyper fixation and my mom immediately rolling her eyes is some of the most disheartening shit- The only thing that’s made me feel better recently is I’ve been able to get into it again after months but whenever I bring it up it’s always eye rolls and ‘did I ask?’ And I guess that’s fair but like- ouch 

My hips are too wide and my thighs are too big for half the shit I own and I don’t want to just keep wearing the same shit- I went through like 3 pairs of jeans and almost had a breakdown because none of them fit and they were too small when I thought they fit like a week ago. I finally found a pair that were a little bigger but Holy shit. And I can’t even go shopping until my birthday in like 18 days.

TW: Vent
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I wish I didn’t crave validation so much because I hate showing people something I’m really proud of and then just going ‘oh cool.’ Because it makes me feel like there’s no point in trying anymore even if it makes me happy. Every time I talk or show something I’m ignored because everybody else around me is so much better and likable I guess and it sucks and I don’t know what to do with myself. I just feel like I shouldn’t try at fitting in or try at writing or drawing and it’d be best if I just gave up..

My throat hurts so bad I feel I’m going to fucking cry but then that would just hurt it mORE gsvsjsvdjdhdjdbbddbjd

TW: Vent sort of 
          
          I don’t wanna fucking be here anymore. I don’t wanna live with them I don’t wanna be near them for at least a fucking day I just can’t anymore and I’m sick of it.

TW: Venting 
          
          
          I wish I wasn’t uncomfortable with something that’s seen as so normal to society..I wish I didn’t have to be scared I’d never live up to society’s expectations because I’m asexual..I wish I didn’t have so many breakdowns because I’m scared I’m letting people down or because I feel like there’s something wrong with me...I wish I didn’t feel like there was something wrong with me...

TW: Another vent kinda ig? Again mostly just really complain-
          
          I really wish me expressing my feelings and emotions didn’t equal to stepping on eggshells to my family. I wish when I shared my feelings I’m not seen as making people walk on eggshells when all I want is for them to know how I feel. They always hate me for being closed off but I feel like I can’t be honest with them- I feel like they’re making me walk on eggshells because I always realize before I even try and tell them how I feel they’ll hate me and hold it against me for the rest of my life. I just want to tell them they make me anxious sometimes and next thing you know they’re saying I’m being rude and taking my issues out on them- Maybe it comes off that way? But I just want them to know they say shit that hurts without them downplaying my feelings- I feel like I sound toxic now? Am I toxic? Am I actually the issue here? I don’t know- If I am someone please tell me- I want to work on myself if I am, I want to be able to know what I’ve be doing wrong please.

TW: Vent kinda more of a rant
          
          All of yesterday was fucking terrible and then today started off shitty but then I felt better because I got to do things that made me happy and talk to my S/O! But then my fucking sister attacked our relationship because it’s LD and now I’m sobbing again so fuck today too I guess. Great week. Been a great fucking week.